2011 Reflections: Storms, Rob Bell, and a Worship Song I Can't Stand!

2011 was crazy!

In regards to weather, CT saw a record amount of water pound us, with the most snow we've ever had on record, lots of rain and flooding early on in the spring, a hurricane and a White Halloween!

In a lot of ways 2011 felt like a storm for me too. I didn't have anything tragic happen to me, but I found a great deal of metamorphosis happen in this heart of mine. It hurt, but the pain was a good pain.

In being an American Christian, a myriad of opinions are fed to you on a daily basis. I realized that for a lot of my Christian walk, I was doing a lot of "nodding and smiling" during church services. This past year I found myself really wrestling with several aspects of the Christian faith. Things that have been shared to me for years, and things that I shared with others, but not necessarily ones I thought were true myself.

Therefore I found myself having a much deeper desire to feed off scripture. I just wanted the Bible! I found myself bringing it with me everyday to work. Even if I never read it, there was a sense of security for me to have it.

This may sound surprising, but one book that really taught me to have a deeper foundation on certain truths was Love Wins, the very controversial book by Rob Bell. Yes, I read it, and no, it's not as heretical as some people think it is (I humbly suggest reading it for yourself).

But anyway, it was the first book I read where I actually felt challenged to pick up the Bible and read passages quoted in it for myself. Never before when reading a Christian book have I been challenged to do that. I always simply nodded and smiled when reading books that quoted the Bible.

I walked away from the book with a much firmer grasp on the truths concerning Heaven, Hell, Jesus, sin and redemption. And wasn't that Rob Bell's goal? (see the closing sentences of the Introduction to his book when you get it. I'd quote it, but I lent the book to a friend).

There was also a deeper recognition of God's love that happened. And He did it to me through the one contemporary worship song that I absolutely despise: "How He Loves Us. " It was a song which for years I couldn't stand. It was overplayed at worship sessions, I felt egotistical singing it ("He is jealous for me"), and it even felt unBiblical in some spots (ex. the line "We are His portion and He is our prize"). On top of that, it was overly-catchy and got stuck in my head all the time!

However one night this past summer when I was on a personal retreat, stressed out and couldn't sleep, I prayed to God some prayers of frustration. Frustration toward myself, Him and others. Then I couldn't explain it, but God quietly whispered to me these words: "sing 'How He Loves Us' for me." I was shocked. God knew I couldn't stand this song, and yet He wanted me to sing it. So I did, and found myself feeling the comfort of my loving Savior.

For so many years I found myself repeatedly coming to the altar before God. There were standards of holiness I knew that I had fallen short of. People in third world countries took bullets for Jesus and I found myself chickening out by not sharing Jesus with my co-workers. I felt guilty, I felt hopeless, I felt stressed out because I knew I couldn't do it. Then there was God's reassuring hand on my shoulder saying, "Son, it's okay...I forgive you, I love you..." But I shut those words out with my words of guilt.

But God DOES love me. I am NEW in the eyes of God. A saint even! A friend! A Son! His mercies are new every morning.

So now 2011 is drawing to a close. There are scars from this past year, but each scar is a memory. Each scar is not a scar of regret but a scar of sanctification. The scars are reminders of the past, but at the same time reminders that the past is healed. I'm forgiven. I fell short so many times, but I am forgiven and free in the eyes of a loving, magnificent God.

And I'm still wrestling. I'm still asking questions, but regardless of what happens I am convinced that God's loving hand on my life is not going anywhere.

Holding fast while He holds faster onto me,

Steve

Parent Me

"I'm young and just a child, I need my parents to parent me!" -Json

Though I currently work in college ministry, for years I worked with kids and teenagers. Most of my time working with them has been as a camp counselor. Usually I have had at least one kid in my group during camp who was annoying. He just drove me crazy! He cursed, he mocked, he picked fights, and of course he never listened.

Then I got that kid alone and discovered something: his biggest problem was at home. Abusive, neglectful parents. Parents who talked down to their kids and never once said, "I love you" or showed any sign of affection. The parent who wasn't there the most was their dad. I worked with inner city kids in Willimantic for two summers and discovered that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM had no significant father figure in their lives. So many parents medicate their kids instead of lovingly discipline them. So many parents discipline and forget about the love part.

I've met a lot of orphans.

Orphans who had biological parents

Parents they lived with

but not parents they needed.

To be honest, I don't feel qualified to talk about this issue. One reason is I'm not a parent. I'm a single guy who doesn't even have a girlfriend. I also do have loving parents. My parents would easily take a bullet for me and have no trouble showing needed affection to me. I'm thankful for that. So it feels weird for me to talk about this issue.

But it's been nagging at my heart.

So is your home life hard?

Are you one who has never heard the words, "I love you" ever come out of your parents' mouths?

Do you have parents who you feel like you're parenting because of their childish behavior?

Did he hit you tonight?

Did she tell you that you'll never amount to anything?

They never encourage you, do they?

Do you even remember what your dad's voice sounds like?

When Dad stumbles home drunk, do chills run down your spine?

You miss Mom when she goes out clubbing, don't you?

Did your parents show up to your graduation last summer?

Did Mom kiss you goodnight last night?

Did Dad pray with you before bed?

Do you go days without saying a word to your parents?

Did he touch you? Are you still afraid to say anything?

You're angry aren't you? They make you angry, don't they?

God is that Father you've always dreamed of. He doesn't just want to call you "friend", but "son" or "daughter." Praying you'll know what true Fatherly love feels like. Praying that He will give you the strength to forgive and love those who failed to love you.

I'm praying for you tonight.

"One Loaf of Bread?!?!"

Picture this: you're one of the twelve disciples sitting in a boat with Jesus. You just witnessed Him feed four thousand people using a child's lunch. As the Pharisees were annoying Him with their foolish arguments, He told the twelve to get in a boat with Him, set off and go to the other side of the lake.

As you paddle away from shore and it gets progressively smaller in the distance, you look around and discover something: we forgot to bring enough bread!

"Hey guys!" Everyone looks your way. "I think we have a problem...Peter only brought one loaf of bread for all twelve of us. How are we going to eat lunch?"

The boat opens up with a resounding chorus of groans, "How could we forget the bread?"

"What are we going to do now?" Peter says, looking at Jesus.

Jesus chuckles and gives Peter a reassuring smile, "Watch out, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod..."

"It was your fault." John glances over at James.

"My fault?" James holds out his hands in unbelief. "How is it my fault?"

"I told you to pick up some loaves of bread for the journey, not one loaf."

"What are we going to do now?!" You yell.

"Yeah, way to go, James!" John gives him a shove.

"Hold it!" Jesus' voice reverberates over everyone's noise, bringing it to a halting silence.

"Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Having eyes do you not see and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many buckets full of broken pieces did you take up?"

"Twelve," you all continue looking at Him.

"And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?"

"Seven."

"Do you not yet understand?"

Silence. You all look at each other and shrug.

"What is he talking about?" John looks at James, who shakes his head in disbelief.

"So what are we going to do?" you say again, hoping for an answer.

I know none of you have ever been in a boat with the Son of God, but I think we've all been in a situation like this: we get too worried about the circumstances around us, upset at others, and overwhelmed. I had this happen to me yesterday: in the morning, I had a wonderful time alone with God, a refreshing time of prayer in the car on the way to work, and a peaceful time working at Sports Authority. I spent lots of time alone, so I was able to reflect and pray while working (God has blessed me with the gift of multi-tasking).

Then I came home and realized a bitter reality: I have a lot of work to do and little time to do it. All afternoon I was hectically filling out paperwork and anxiously looking at my massive to-do list. If God said something to me about a truth or His peace, I totally ignored it, consumed by the worries drowning me.

My heart was hard.

I encourage myself and YOU to remember this promise of God when times are tough:

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside still waters,

He restores my soul..." -Psalm 23:1-3a

Even though the trials can be tough, remember that in Jesus the pastures are green and the waters are still. Therefore be still, listen, trust, and know He is God. Who knows? Maybe He has some neat theological truth to show you about the circumstances around you that will make you go, "Hmm! Thanks God!"

May you and I in the midst of extreme trial and circumstances not bicker, argue, bite our nails, tense our shoulders, doubt, fear, get angry, BUT remember His promise for us as the solid rock of our salvation.

If you want a better interpretation of the scene described above, please check out Mark 8:14-21.

LDRSHP - Building Up Men

Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage. (LDRSHIP)

These are the core values of the United States Army. A friend of mine, who is a student at ECSU, serves in the National Guard. A few weeks back he gave me one of the coins they were handing out at a recruiting booth at a fair, and on it were those values.

Now I'm a guy who is pretty foreign to the Army. I only have friends who are in it and I love the series Band of Brothers. However as I was staring at that coin the day he gave it to me, I was intrigued as to how Biblical each of these characteristics are.

Jesus wanted us as Christians to be all those things and then some, didn't He?

Then an idea was sparked in my head: start a Bible Study exploring these characteristics to build up men. Over the past few months there have been talks among Nav. Staff at ECSU, and in the Northeast Region as to how men are lacking in Christian fellowship. We at ECSU went into this year really trying to think up ways to attract new men and build up existing ones, so when this idea came to my head, I knew it was a God thing!

So this is what happens: every Saturday at 5:30 in the morning (yes, you read that right!), I lead a team of college guys on an early morning run for 2.5 miles. After that we drive down to a local restaurant called That Breakfast Place (seriously!) and have breakfast and Bible Study, looking into these characteristics together. As I'm writing this, we've been doing it for two weeks (technically three, but the first was a trial run).

Joel, the student who gave me the coin, helps lead, encourage and discipline the guys as we run. He was the one who originally suggested running at 5:30am! This has also been an opportunity not to just build up guys, but build up leaders. We've had eight guys come, representing not just ECSU, but UConn, Three Rivers Community College, and we even have two home schooled kids run with us!

Victoria, a waitress at That Breakfast Place, the restaurant we eat at, told us last week, "You know, I think it's really awesome that young men your age are getting together to do this every week."

A friend of mine at church who provides housing for one of the students told me how he always looks forward to the run every week. So I guess so far it's been going pretty well!

Who would've thought that college guys in New England could love learning more about Jesus at 5:30 in the morning every Saturday?

God did, that's who. Praise Him for doing wonderful things already through this!

"The Whole Truth" by Da' T.R.U.T.H.

For those of you who don't know me well, I'm really into Christian hip-hop. When I first heard this song, I was extremely excited for Da' T.R.U.T.H. and his new album.

More than a year and a half ago, Truth was forced into a sabbatical because he had an affair with another woman. During that sabbatical he went through marital counseling, prayer, weeping, repentance and marital reconciliation. I wrote a reactionary blog post about it shortly after it happened here.

Roughly six months ago he made a formal announcement and apology to his fans and announced his return under a new label and a fresh desire to minister through music. This song was one of the first released from his album and the lead single off of it. In it he reflected on the massive storm of sorrow, heartache, repentance and healing God brought him through. The chorus says it all. May you be blessed by this song and may you be in continual awe of the lavished grace through Jesus Christ.

Da' T.R.U.T.H. "The Whole Truth" Official Video (@truthonduty @Xist_Music) from Xist Music on Vimeo.

Chorus

When I was dead, He revived my soul.

He takes the broken, makes them whole,

Takes the bound, makes them free,

Takes the weak and makes them strong.

All of my sins have been erased,

He has lifted my disgrace.

I'm overjoyed, overjoyed, that Jesus would make me whole.

Verse 1

I ain't tryin to be hot, aint tryin to be relevant,

I aint a candle, I aint tryin to wax eloquent.

I'm running from a life now, trying to fight hard,

These ain't just lyrics but a contrite heart.

Yeah, feelin it like the heat in the summer,

We know better, but the flesh, it be keepin us running.

Bagged the leaks of onions? (had a hard time with this line)

As of recent discovered, if it's in the dark, it's impossible to keep secrets covered.

Who would have known that my indiscretions would reach my cousins?

I apologize to Mimi, my niece and others,

You should've been able to trust, but I breached the covenant,

I knew you all before you was able to reach the cupboard.

Now when I preached in public, it's all out the window,

'Cause sin contradicted a lot of what my pen wrote.

Yeah, especially when I wrote an Open Book,

Apparently there was something in me I overlooked...

Chorus

Verse 2

Uh, check my records, I got some prize like Harlem Knights,

I need Jesus, David's Son, like a Harley bike.

Wasn't hardly right, what I did was wrong,

And it ticks me off, and it sets me off.

And I hate the consequences 'cause death results,

But I know I reap what I sew like Betsy Ross.

Yeah, He ain't tipped me, but He let me fall,

Now I carry all that pain, sin left me scarred.

He let me fall, but He ain't let me go,

I died, went astray; sin left me broke,

Yeah, the life of me ain't no crystal stair,

But I's keep climbin' 'cause the diamond is crystal clear.

At times I'm quiet, I get a chair, sit and stare,

think about the ways that sin affected my fiscal year.

Yeah, a tide is turning now, I'm shifting gears,

Though I'm weak, He's given strength in the midst of tears.

Chorus

Verse 3

Uh, I felt dead and lonely, only God knows,

But Jesus came and breathed life on my dry bones.

I know a lot, knowing a lot's not wrong,

But now it's all about application like the iPhone.

Yeah, I got hangups like dial tones,

Yeah, but Jesus hung up and died so,

No condemnation, that's my consolation.

Am I still guilty? NOT A CONVERSATION!

Now I just want to proclaim it in the congregation,

God is good and Dr. Jesus got a lot of patience!

Yeah, I'm on the operating table, heart palpitating,

Look at what the potter's shaping!

Gotta thank The Body, cause y'all came behind me,

When my foot slipped and I sank in the valley.

'Cause something supernatural happen when the saints rally,

My true friends held me up like a bank robbery.

And that's foolproof, I can't even front like a gold tooth,

I hate what I had to go through,

but I love the fact that I got to know You,

so what you are witnessing now is The Whole Truth...

When I was dead, He revived my soul.

He takes the broken, makes them whole,

Takes the bound, makes them free,

Takes the weak and makes them strong.

All of my sins have been erased,

He has lifted my disgrace.

I'm overjoyed, overjoyed, that Jesus would make me whole.

ECSU Student Athlete Outreach

Throughout my entire time as an ECSU student, I have never been to a sports game at my school.

Throughout my entire academic career I have never been to a sports game at my school.

Out of all the students actively going to 180 Christian Fellowship, the Christian club on campus at ECSU, NONE of them are student athletes.

ECSU has a soccer team, basketball team, cross country team, lacrosse team, track and field team, swim team, volleyball team, baseball team, and field hockey team. They also have intramural teams as well as student clubs for football, ice hockey, rugby, women's rugby, cheerleading and dance, ultimate frisbee, fencing, billiards, ski and snowboarding, and strength and conditioning.

Those are a lot of student athletes!

Did I mention that to my knowledge, NONE of them are being reached for the Gospel of Jesus Christ? I sincerely hope I'm VERY wrong, but I'm determined to do something about it!

I am not an athlete. I run when I can, but other than that there is not a competitive bone in me. I love watching sports, though, so my first plan is to go to some games, cheer for the students, write down names, and pray for direction.

Will you pray with me? Will you even consider going to a game too?

Thanks!

Laboring with you,

Steve

Crossroads

We all face them sometime in our lives. We're walking on what seems to be a nice, easy road until....

BAM!

We see that road split off into different directions.

Ever been there?

Crossroads can be sketchy. We want to go the right way, of course, but sometimes that right way doesn't necessarily look right. Sometimes it doesn't feel right either. It doesn't feel comfortable. Maybe that was what Jeremiah was talking about in chapter 6, verse 16: "Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls."

Ancient paths. Old, worn down paths. Maybe ones that are overgrown and don't even have proper trail markings or signs on them.

I drive a lot, and directions aren't my strong suit (though I am getting better!). A few weeks ago a crazy thing happened to me where there was a car accident on the main highway I usually take to go home from a retail store I work at. The whole highway going east was closed, so I was forced to go west, got off at the next exit and prayed for a way out of this mess as cars were everywhere filled with people having the same problem as me. I was on the phone with a friend and he looked up directions for me to get back home on back roads I never even heard of.

There was one main road I had to go on for quite awhile, but I didn't know how long until I had to take a left onto another road. I went a considerable distance and felt a check in my spirit.

"Did I pass that road?" I looked around frantically.

I must have because I noticed civilization was beginning to thin out. I went from being in a very populated to a not so populated area. So I made a decision to turn around.

I doubled back looking especially hard for that road until I came back right where I started.

Well this is just great!

I rolled my eyes and the wheel yet again to turn back around.

It just so happened that the road I was looking for was just a little less than a half mile down from where I had my initial turnaround.

Sometimes the right road is not the easiest road. Sometimes the right road is not the road everyone else is going down. Sometimes that road is the one NO ONE else is going down. It's dangerous, unmarked, and in many ways unknown.

It's "ancient."

The wonderful thing about that ancient path though is that God allows us to stand, look and ask. If we feel lost, we can ask God for directions. We can ask God for a reassurance. And I believe that He is right there to give it to us. He may not give us a light though, so we can see down the path. He may just give us a nudge forward, encouraging us to keep going onto the next exciting thing He has for us.

What is that exciting thing? God, please show me.