"Father of a murdered son, husband of a murdered wife..."

"How dare you show your back to me! Slave!" Commodus looked at the gladiator, offended. "You will remove your helmet and tell me your name."

The gladiator looked down, his back still facing the offended caesar. Reluctantly, he removed his helmet, exposing his moist, matted hair. He turned around with a look of determination and fury. "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius..."

He stepped slowly toward the befuddled emperor, not looking away for an instant. "...Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance in this life, or the next."

Gladiator is probably one of my all-time favorite movies. It is a classic example of good triumphing over evil, and the bad guy truly getting what he deserved. Recently when I was watching it, that particular scene really stuck out to me.

It made me think in many ways about God's broken relationship with man. He made man in His image, made woman in the man's image, both to glorify Him. Man then deliberately disobeyed Him and as a result, that man and all of us after that man became infected with sin.

As a result, our default ways are evil and we only do it because we want to be God. We think our rules are better than His, so we give Him the finger and do it ourselves. So God, over and over again, sends us prophets. We disown them, we beat them up, we even kill them.

If you were God, wouldn't you stop here? Wouldn't you just end it all by destroying all these people? They still won't listen!

But God doesn't do that. God instead looks at His Son, His only Son and says, "Son, please tell them to turn back to me." So His Son comes to earth as a man, and we laugh at Him, mock Him, spit on Him, nail metal spikes into His hands and feet and hang Him bleeding and naked on a wooden cross for six hours until He died.

Yes, we murdered God. We weren't there physically, but we are presently just as responsible for His death as Judas, as Pilate, as the Pharisees, and as the Roman guards.

This is offensive, isn't it? This is something we don't want to hear. This is something I don't even want to type! But in God's eyes, this is why justice through eternal damnation in Hell makes perfect sense. Just like how Maximus' declaration of vengeance makes sense. I cheered for him when I watched that movie, didn't you?

But here is something that's absolutely shocking. It's more than shocking! It's scandalous! Though Jesus Christ was murdered by mankind, that same death became the payment for the condemnation we deserve. Through believing that death did this, we go from being called enemies to being called sons.

There was silence in that Roman arena when Maximus looked with fury at Commodus. There was shock. There was disbelief. However, imagine the disbelief if the scene continued like this:

"...Father of a murdered son, husband of a murdered wife..." his eyes then became eyes of compassion. "I forgive you, Commodus. More than that, I want to adopt you. I want to call you my son."

People would be even more shocked, maybe a little angry too. Commodus himself would probably faint in disbelief!

This is what God offers us. Still, though we rebel through our thoughts and actions, He continues to show love and grace to us. He continues to pursue us. Though He should be infuriated, He is lovingly holding that fury back from us and offering us untold grace and love. He's offering us Himself.

That's God's love. We don't deserve it, but we get it. He offers it to all of mankind, no matter how bad we've been.

Isn't that amazing? It's funny how many of us will just stay with the condemnation. Even Christians. We stop at the condemnation and we get offended that it's even there, but we forget about the bigger love despite that! God offers us a bigger love.

Will you embrace that love?

"One Loaf of Bread?!?!"

Picture this: you're one of the twelve disciples sitting in a boat with Jesus. You just witnessed Him feed four thousand people using a child's lunch. As the Pharisees were annoying Him with their foolish arguments, He told the twelve to get in a boat with Him, set off and go to the other side of the lake.

As you paddle away from shore and it gets progressively smaller in the distance, you look around and discover something: we forgot to bring enough bread!

"Hey guys!" Everyone looks your way. "I think we have a problem...Peter only brought one loaf of bread for all twelve of us. How are we going to eat lunch?"

The boat opens up with a resounding chorus of groans, "How could we forget the bread?"

"What are we going to do now?" Peter says, looking at Jesus.

Jesus chuckles and gives Peter a reassuring smile, "Watch out, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod..."

"It was your fault." John glances over at James.

"My fault?" James holds out his hands in unbelief. "How is it my fault?"

"I told you to pick up some loaves of bread for the journey, not one loaf."

"What are we going to do now?!" You yell.

"Yeah, way to go, James!" John gives him a shove.

"Hold it!" Jesus' voice reverberates over everyone's noise, bringing it to a halting silence.

"Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Having eyes do you not see and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many buckets full of broken pieces did you take up?"

"Twelve," you all continue looking at Him.

"And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?"

"Seven."

"Do you not yet understand?"

Silence. You all look at each other and shrug.

"What is he talking about?" John looks at James, who shakes his head in disbelief.

"So what are we going to do?" you say again, hoping for an answer.

I know none of you have ever been in a boat with the Son of God, but I think we've all been in a situation like this: we get too worried about the circumstances around us, upset at others, and overwhelmed. I had this happen to me yesterday: in the morning, I had a wonderful time alone with God, a refreshing time of prayer in the car on the way to work, and a peaceful time working at Sports Authority. I spent lots of time alone, so I was able to reflect and pray while working (God has blessed me with the gift of multi-tasking).

Then I came home and realized a bitter reality: I have a lot of work to do and little time to do it. All afternoon I was hectically filling out paperwork and anxiously looking at my massive to-do list. If God said something to me about a truth or His peace, I totally ignored it, consumed by the worries drowning me.

My heart was hard.

I encourage myself and YOU to remember this promise of God when times are tough:

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside still waters,

He restores my soul..." -Psalm 23:1-3a

Even though the trials can be tough, remember that in Jesus the pastures are green and the waters are still. Therefore be still, listen, trust, and know He is God. Who knows? Maybe He has some neat theological truth to show you about the circumstances around you that will make you go, "Hmm! Thanks God!"

May you and I in the midst of extreme trial and circumstances not bicker, argue, bite our nails, tense our shoulders, doubt, fear, get angry, BUT remember His promise for us as the solid rock of our salvation.

If you want a better interpretation of the scene described above, please check out Mark 8:14-21.

"The Whole Truth" by Da' T.R.U.T.H.

For those of you who don't know me well, I'm really into Christian hip-hop. When I first heard this song, I was extremely excited for Da' T.R.U.T.H. and his new album.

More than a year and a half ago, Truth was forced into a sabbatical because he had an affair with another woman. During that sabbatical he went through marital counseling, prayer, weeping, repentance and marital reconciliation. I wrote a reactionary blog post about it shortly after it happened here.

Roughly six months ago he made a formal announcement and apology to his fans and announced his return under a new label and a fresh desire to minister through music. This song was one of the first released from his album and the lead single off of it. In it he reflected on the massive storm of sorrow, heartache, repentance and healing God brought him through. The chorus says it all. May you be blessed by this song and may you be in continual awe of the lavished grace through Jesus Christ.

Da' T.R.U.T.H. "The Whole Truth" Official Video (@truthonduty @Xist_Music) from Xist Music on Vimeo.

Chorus

When I was dead, He revived my soul.

He takes the broken, makes them whole,

Takes the bound, makes them free,

Takes the weak and makes them strong.

All of my sins have been erased,

He has lifted my disgrace.

I'm overjoyed, overjoyed, that Jesus would make me whole.

Verse 1

I ain't tryin to be hot, aint tryin to be relevant,

I aint a candle, I aint tryin to wax eloquent.

I'm running from a life now, trying to fight hard,

These ain't just lyrics but a contrite heart.

Yeah, feelin it like the heat in the summer,

We know better, but the flesh, it be keepin us running.

Bagged the leaks of onions? (had a hard time with this line)

As of recent discovered, if it's in the dark, it's impossible to keep secrets covered.

Who would have known that my indiscretions would reach my cousins?

I apologize to Mimi, my niece and others,

You should've been able to trust, but I breached the covenant,

I knew you all before you was able to reach the cupboard.

Now when I preached in public, it's all out the window,

'Cause sin contradicted a lot of what my pen wrote.

Yeah, especially when I wrote an Open Book,

Apparently there was something in me I overlooked...

Chorus

Verse 2

Uh, check my records, I got some prize like Harlem Knights,

I need Jesus, David's Son, like a Harley bike.

Wasn't hardly right, what I did was wrong,

And it ticks me off, and it sets me off.

And I hate the consequences 'cause death results,

But I know I reap what I sew like Betsy Ross.

Yeah, He ain't tipped me, but He let me fall,

Now I carry all that pain, sin left me scarred.

He let me fall, but He ain't let me go,

I died, went astray; sin left me broke,

Yeah, the life of me ain't no crystal stair,

But I's keep climbin' 'cause the diamond is crystal clear.

At times I'm quiet, I get a chair, sit and stare,

think about the ways that sin affected my fiscal year.

Yeah, a tide is turning now, I'm shifting gears,

Though I'm weak, He's given strength in the midst of tears.

Chorus

Verse 3

Uh, I felt dead and lonely, only God knows,

But Jesus came and breathed life on my dry bones.

I know a lot, knowing a lot's not wrong,

But now it's all about application like the iPhone.

Yeah, I got hangups like dial tones,

Yeah, but Jesus hung up and died so,

No condemnation, that's my consolation.

Am I still guilty? NOT A CONVERSATION!

Now I just want to proclaim it in the congregation,

God is good and Dr. Jesus got a lot of patience!

Yeah, I'm on the operating table, heart palpitating,

Look at what the potter's shaping!

Gotta thank The Body, cause y'all came behind me,

When my foot slipped and I sank in the valley.

'Cause something supernatural happen when the saints rally,

My true friends held me up like a bank robbery.

And that's foolproof, I can't even front like a gold tooth,

I hate what I had to go through,

but I love the fact that I got to know You,

so what you are witnessing now is The Whole Truth...

When I was dead, He revived my soul.

He takes the broken, makes them whole,

Takes the bound, makes them free,

Takes the weak and makes them strong.

All of my sins have been erased,

He has lifted my disgrace.

I'm overjoyed, overjoyed, that Jesus would make me whole.

ECSU Student Athlete Outreach

Throughout my entire time as an ECSU student, I have never been to a sports game at my school.

Throughout my entire academic career I have never been to a sports game at my school.

Out of all the students actively going to 180 Christian Fellowship, the Christian club on campus at ECSU, NONE of them are student athletes.

ECSU has a soccer team, basketball team, cross country team, lacrosse team, track and field team, swim team, volleyball team, baseball team, and field hockey team. They also have intramural teams as well as student clubs for football, ice hockey, rugby, women's rugby, cheerleading and dance, ultimate frisbee, fencing, billiards, ski and snowboarding, and strength and conditioning.

Those are a lot of student athletes!

Did I mention that to my knowledge, NONE of them are being reached for the Gospel of Jesus Christ? I sincerely hope I'm VERY wrong, but I'm determined to do something about it!

I am not an athlete. I run when I can, but other than that there is not a competitive bone in me. I love watching sports, though, so my first plan is to go to some games, cheer for the students, write down names, and pray for direction.

Will you pray with me? Will you even consider going to a game too?

Thanks!

Laboring with you,

Steve

Crossroads

We all face them sometime in our lives. We're walking on what seems to be a nice, easy road until....

BAM!

We see that road split off into different directions.

Ever been there?

Crossroads can be sketchy. We want to go the right way, of course, but sometimes that right way doesn't necessarily look right. Sometimes it doesn't feel right either. It doesn't feel comfortable. Maybe that was what Jeremiah was talking about in chapter 6, verse 16: "Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls."

Ancient paths. Old, worn down paths. Maybe ones that are overgrown and don't even have proper trail markings or signs on them.

I drive a lot, and directions aren't my strong suit (though I am getting better!). A few weeks ago a crazy thing happened to me where there was a car accident on the main highway I usually take to go home from a retail store I work at. The whole highway going east was closed, so I was forced to go west, got off at the next exit and prayed for a way out of this mess as cars were everywhere filled with people having the same problem as me. I was on the phone with a friend and he looked up directions for me to get back home on back roads I never even heard of.

There was one main road I had to go on for quite awhile, but I didn't know how long until I had to take a left onto another road. I went a considerable distance and felt a check in my spirit.

"Did I pass that road?" I looked around frantically.

I must have because I noticed civilization was beginning to thin out. I went from being in a very populated to a not so populated area. So I made a decision to turn around.

I doubled back looking especially hard for that road until I came back right where I started.

Well this is just great!

I rolled my eyes and the wheel yet again to turn back around.

It just so happened that the road I was looking for was just a little less than a half mile down from where I had my initial turnaround.

Sometimes the right road is not the easiest road. Sometimes the right road is not the road everyone else is going down. Sometimes that road is the one NO ONE else is going down. It's dangerous, unmarked, and in many ways unknown.

It's "ancient."

The wonderful thing about that ancient path though is that God allows us to stand, look and ask. If we feel lost, we can ask God for directions. We can ask God for a reassurance. And I believe that He is right there to give it to us. He may not give us a light though, so we can see down the path. He may just give us a nudge forward, encouraging us to keep going onto the next exciting thing He has for us.

What is that exciting thing? God, please show me.

"The Catalyst" by Linkin Park (Part 2)

The following is the conclusion of a post I wrote a few weeks ago. You can read the first part by clicking here. You can also check out another LP post I wrote a few months ago by clicking here. Enjoy and thanks for reading!

God save us everyone, will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
For the sins of our hands, for the sins of our tongue,

for the sins of our fathers, for the sins of our young?
NO!

Musically at this point the music portrays a stirring and rising effect. As it should, for this verse describes a desire for change. Suddenly this speaker is in fact crying out to God. In the "burning" part, he even understands what the wage of his sin will bring. All people deep down inside know that society itself is crumbling and that something is wrong. We can sense it. This person seems to understand why and even sees the end result. He even knows why! The word "for" is another word for "because". So burning "inside the fires of a thousand suns" is because of the sins we committed, both past, present and future. We do sin with both our hands and our tongue. Words can cut deep into people, and all of us have said the wrong things.

In using "fathers" and "young", it shows that sin is generational. It is a hereditary trait. It doesn't even just have to do with the past, but how we live in the future. It impacts our children in such a negative way. A lot of the bad habits we have, our children tend to have as well.

However, like what was said, this speaker is crying out to God for salvation. He wants an end to this! He wonders if we will burn or if God will send help to grant us a way out to freedom. He doesn't know what else to do except cry out for mercy. He doesn't present any special offerings, because he understands that they will never amount to anything. He sees that nothing will save him from "burning in the fires of a thousand suns", but that "chant" ends with one word: "NO!" No, I WILL not burn, I will not bear this wrath. Some would say, "He's making his own truth and being his own God," but may I suggest that this speaker is repenting. He is making an active choice of walking away from this sin, darkness and death and into life.

The song lastly transitions into a finale, with the words said repeatedly, "Lift me up, let me go." The tone of them is of increasing desperation and fervency. They see that the only way out is not done by the work of their hands. They are trapped in the "sins of their hands, tongue, fathers and young." This ordeal "cannot be outfought, cannot be outdone, cannot be outmatched, cannot be outrun." The speaker sees that the only way out is through reaching out to someone or something outside of himself. He sees himself having bad karma, and cannot work to be saved from the mess he found himself in. The debt he has is too high for him to pay. He needs to be freed from the society around him and even more importantly, HIMSELF!

According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, a catalyst is "an agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action." Pretty much every testimony by a Christian that I know of has to do with reaching a point of hitting "rock bottom", like described in this song. The person realizes that they have been consumed by the evil of the world around them, and at the same time have contributed to that evil. This person sees their filth and realizes that they need to make a change not in just some parts of their life, but their entire life.

Oftentimes when we humans have reached our most bitter and broken circumstances, an automatic reflex is to lift our hands up to the heavens, crying for help, mercy and deliverance! At one point in the music video for this song, we see the lead singer Chester Bennington doing just that. I sincerely hope and pray that one day all the members of this band do this, if they haven't already. Maybe this song is a bit of prophecy?

Jesus Christ answers the cry of the broken, oppressed and sinful. He did this by dying a brutal death on a cross, facing not only physical, but spiritual anguish. Three days later, He did the impossible: rising from the dead, which was the exclamation point on the victory He offers to all of humanity openly and freely. Upon trusting in Him, the only "fire" we will experience is not the "burning fire of a thousand suns" composed of judgement and eternal condemnation, but the all consuming "fire" of cleansing, restoration, life and power.

"The Catalyst" is written by Linkin Park, copyright 2010 Universal Music.

It's NOT Just About The Money! (Part 2)

It's not just about the money, it's not just about the money, LET ME SAY IT AGAIN!

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE MONEY!

Gotta once more note the "just" because part of it is about the money. This brotha's gotta pay the billz! I can't just run into ministry and go in debt for Jesus. What kind of a witness would that be? Raising financial support helps me be more financially stable so I can adequately minister to students. It also provides for supplies like Bibles and other literature to hand out to students, precious petroleum for travel, delicious coffee as we have spiritual discussions, mouth-watering pizza to get college students in the door for investigative Bible Studies, and much more! The financial gifts that partners with me give go toward these very things!

What ELSE is it about then?

• It's about beholding God's power. It's about SEEING the true meaning of the words Jehovah Jireh. God never forsakes those He loves. He NEVER leaves His kids high and dry. In raising financial support I SEE that with my own eyes. When it feels like the sky is falling down all around me, I wake up the next day and see the Son rise (pun intended!). God is absolutely sovereign AND absolutely loving. Because of this, He will never leave or forsake those He calls and loves. I have seen things come in the mail that have literally made my jaw drop and have caused me to even more literally sink to my knees.

• It's about the realization that EVERYTHING I own is not mine. I didn't earn it through my own blood, sweat and tears, but it is all God's and He freely gives it to me. I feel just like the Levites, who God ordained to live FULLY on the supporting tithes of the other Israelites. It was to show them that their inheritance is not in Israel, but in God. The same goes for me and for everyone else. The account that your paycheck is drawn from may say your company's name on it, but it really comes from God. Every paycheck is a gift!

• It's about building new relationships with others! I don't just want to see the inside of people's wallets, I want to see inside their hearts. I want to get to know people, develop relationships, pray, fellowship, drink coffee, have inside jokes, watch movies, etc. Through appointments with some people, I have opened up doors with them that I never even knew existed!

• It's about co-laboring for Jesus! I have seen people give in powerful ways that go way beyond monthly pledges. People have opened up their homes, offered study resources, free groceries, discounted rent for housing, sent gift cards, encouraging text messages, made phone calls, intercessions on prayer chains, gave free books, free personal retreat venues, free meals, free Joint Juice (look it up!), offered counsel, a shoulder to cry on, AND SO MUCH MORE! Being involved in ministry goes so much deeper than just having phone-a-thons asking people for money. Raising support is all about raising up an army of mighty men and women to co-labor with me in whatever way they feel led. It is SO EXCITING to see others in action beside me for the sake of the Gospel!

Wow, that made me feel a lot better. Raising financial support can be discouraging, it can be hard, it can make me want to cry, but MY OH MY is it exciting. PRAISE GOD for fundraising!

The Breaker's Commission

Life
Love
Forgiveness
Acceptance

Stripping demons right off my back
trying to leech life off of me
GET OFF ME
and feel my father's fury oppressor!

One day you'll feel the full blast of His vengeance, Beelzebub
but for now I'll
love.

Cause I've got strength.

He blew courage in my backbone
now I'll stand straight and militant
lining up in Jehovah's Battalion
knowing you can't challenge Him
so we march forward
Swift as eagles set like talons
ready to grip souls from your grasp
slick snake in the grass
my Lord
sees you and vengeance is
His.

But for now I retaliate
propelled by a Holy Mandate to heal
cause I know how bad it hurts

Full of madness at first
but now
gladness bursts at the seams of our beings
cause we overflow with the oil of joy.

The Ointment of the anointed
mending any torn soul
Healing any
broken bone
He is
here.

He was there
He is peace
He is faithful

Lyrics by For Today, Copyright 2010 Facedown Records, stanzas and capitalization done by me.

It's Not Just About the Money....

It's not just about the money. How about I say it again....

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE MONEY!

So many times it can be easy for me and many others I call to get in that mindset. However that's not JUST what it's about.

Before I get into what it is about, please note the word "JUST". That word is important because it means that it IS about money. Let's not think I'm forgetting about the money here. This summer in order to be fully supported, I need to raise many more thousands of dollars. Ministry shouldn't JUST be about money, however, every human being has to live, and living is much easier when the bills are paid. No, I'm not talking about a loan for my new Lexus. Not to mention it kind of increases your witness a bit more. I wouldn't want to mentor a student when I'm $20,000 in debt and on the run from the IRS.

Here is what fundraising is about:

1. Seeing God's provision - OVER and OVER again I have seen it. There were tons of accounts in the Bible when God provided for a ministry. Sometimes it involved Paul getting a job, other times it involved Elijah asking a widow for support (which amazingly saved her life! 1 Kings 7:8-16). In my own life I have seen it: people randomly giving me checks, gift cards for groceries, Bibles, study resources, and much more. Fundraising makes you realize one very important thing: EVERYTHING belongs to God and He gives it freely to those He loves.

2. Worship to God - Worship is not just composed of singing songs and raising hands. The big question I leave people with when I meet with them is this: "Would you please pray about supporting me?" Though the check they write is payable to "The Navigators", who REALLY gets the money is God. It's an offering to Him (see Philippians 4:17-18). Then God takes that offering and in turn blesses both the giver and the receiver. Isn't it amazing? When I ask someone to partner with me in financial support, in a way I am asking them if they would like to be blessed by God. That's why I say to them, "Whatever you decide is between you and God, not between you and me." EVERYTHING belongs to God, and as a privilege as children of God we can offer things back to Him for the furthering of His Kingdom. That's what people who partner with me will be doing!

3. Treasures in Heaven - What are those? Do we have a Lexus in Heaven waiting for us? (again with the Lexus!) If we give $20 next Sunday, does that mean $40 is waiting for us there? I doubt it. One of the exciting things we will get to experience one day is what actually happened with the seeds we sowed. What happened with that homeless guy I talked with about Jesus? Or in this case...How did I bless this ministry? Seeing the lives impacted for Jesus as a result of my giving has been exciting. I literally SHOUTED FOR JOY this past year when a missionary I supported helped lead a German girl to Jesus. My money went to that! If it wasn't for my pledge, she wouldn't be there showing that German girl the way to Jesus. THAT is Treasure in Heaven!

So give freely. Give sacrificially. Who knows who you'll be blessing? God does. You give to Him and He blesses you, the missionary you give to, and the LIVES that missionary invests in.

I needed to write this for myself as a friendly reminder. Thanks for reading!

God bless you,

Steve

"Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:17-19 ESV)

Why Have You Forsaken Me?

My God, my God why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night but find no rest." -the words of a broken man.

The excerpt, of course, is the first two verses of Psalm 22. Recently, God put it on my heart to study this psalm.

At a prayer meeting one time, I heard a woman pray, "God, we're not supposed to cry. You hate it when we cry. You command us to rejoice!"

God commands us to rejoice?! If so, what does "rejoicing" look like? Is "rejoicing" walking around forcing a happy smile when inside we feel miserable and want to bawl our eyes out? Many people I know think that. When I heard that woman pray that, my heart broke. I got angry! Who told her that lie?! It was like she was saying that God is this gestapo that comes to you as you're bawling your eyes out and says, "Rejoice! What's wrong with you?! Suck it up, buttercup!" And yes, I know what Philippians 4:4 says, but is it actually just a command?

We can think it is! When we go to church we almost can feel guilty about showing our true emotions sometimes. I've felt this way especially in ministry.
People walk up to me and ask, "Hey Steve, how's it going?"
First words out of my mouth: "Good!" I force a smile at them.

There were times when I said that and I felt horrible! I had a sleepless night, a stressful week, a stubborn student in ministry not listening to me, financial woes, car problems, the list has gone on. Why didn't I just tell them?! I would have times of prayer with God in the midst of times like this: "Dear God, thank you for today..." when in reality I was not feeling that! So why didn't I tell Him that?! WHY?!

YES trials can mold us and shape us and YES God can use them, but sometimes what we forget is that GOD is NOT just LORD, but our LOVING FATHER! You know what His tone is in saying the words, "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice?" It is this: He gently puts His hand on our shoulder, looks at us with the most compassionate eyes imaginable as we are bitter and weeping and says, "I'm your Dad, I love you, and I'll get you through this. Rejoice!"

I'm not going to lie, but when I think about that, it brings tears to my eyes.

Because we've all had times in our lives when we've felt horrible! David WAS feeling horrible as he was writing this and yet it is in the Bible as one of the most popular psalms. One of the main examples, of course was that through the poetic imagery he was using, he was describing Jesus on the cross. When he wrote the words, "they have pierced my hands and feet" (v. 16), historically speaking crucifixion wasn't even invented yet as a form of execution. So what does that mean?

God used this broken man, that's what it means. David was just expressing his heart to God, but GOD was using HIM to explain to the WORLD that ultimately THIS WILL BE JESUS.

Jesus,
the God of the universe who became a man.
A broken man of sorrows,
bearing the wrath we deserve.
He
was
forsaken.
David felt forsaken,
Jesus was forsaken.
We feel forsaken,
Jesus was forsaken.

And because of that, in Christ we are NEVER forsaken. Toward the end of that psalm, David's tone changed to words of PURE PRAISE to God. We are supposed to praise and rejoice in God, yes! If I sounded like I was contradicting myself, I was not. We are supposed to and He does command it, BUT God at the same time allows us to come to Him as real people! We can come broken, bitter, and weeping and God does not condemn us, but embraces us as a loving Father embraces His son who just fell off a bike and is crying over a scraped knee. I don't know about you, but that God deserves to be rejoiced over.

So let's come to Him!

Rapport

Something I learned a lot about ministering is that establishing rapport is really important for those you're ministering to. People nowadays really don't get as much out of "hit and run evangelism" as they used to. Especially in college, something that people really crave is relationships.

People who get witnessed to by a Christian can sometimes get upset not necessarily because of the Gospel being presented, but how it is presented. With a lot of people, especially here in New England, if they hear "Christian" they immediately think "a preacher with an agenda out to convert me." Of course we should pray for their salvation, and aim to share the Good News with them, but we shouldn't just look at these people as just "targets to preach to." These are people made in the image and likeness of God! Shouldn't we at the very least love them?

How do we love them? By getting to know them! Their goals, dreams, hobbies, struggles, favorite music, etc. Actually be friends with them. Do things with them like dinner, coffee, ultimate frisbee game, playing cards, hiking, and much more. We as humans, especially men, enjoy bonding by doing things together. They like talking while their hands are busy.

The misconception that many people have about Christianity is that it takes away your personality. People can think that when they come to Christ, they become "mindless Jesus zombies" whose only objective is to just go around converting everyone in sight. As Christians, we have personalities, so lets let them show! Share with them your hobbies, your favorite ice cream flavor, your life goals, etc.

Jesus did "hit and run" evangelism quite often during his ministry, so I am not in any way saying it doesn't work. He would heal someone and that would be His only interaction with them. However, Jesus' main evangelism was with the twelve men who followed Him around. I'm sure His conversations with them weren't just about deep spiritual issues and life lessons. People actually had senses of humor and actually had fun back then. I mean Jesus was invited to parties! Those were other opportunities He used...socializing with the people there and getting to know them. I mean, why wouldn't He? It would be the loving thing to do, right?

I did this a lot with a group of students at Eastern who played pool almost daily in the Student Center Cafe. I would hang out with them, mingle, and get to know them. It has been said, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." How very true this is.

This process is much slower than a typical "hit and run" evangelism, but so much more worth it! Because you may not just gain a conversion, but a friend. It can also open the door for discipleship and follow-up. If they give their lives to Jesus, you'll probably be one of the first people they run to for advice.

No Music?!

My brother told me about this composer named John Cage who wrote a song simply titled "4'33"". The song is incredibly abstract. Some would call it a waste of time and talent and others would call it pure genius. Basically it is 4 minutes and 33 seconds of absolute silence. What is even crazier is that this piece does have movements as well. First of all, the music piece shows that there is no complete silence and that everything is music. In the video you'll hear the hum of electricity, people coughing (especially between movements), and much more. It also teaches we the listeners to be still and listen, something that is easy to do when music is playing, but very hard to do when nothing is happening.

The announcers in the video after the piece described the environment as "tense". Like I said before, being still is easy to do when music is playing because it allows your mind to work on something. You can think on lyrical content, an amazing guitar solo, the harmonies sung, and much more. In church settings nowadays, music is CONSTANTLY being played. There is always noise and something happening, especially at youth services I've been to. They even feel a need to play music when an altar call happens because it helps "set the moment."

Now, I am someone who loves music. I love listening to music when I'm working, writing, cleaning my room, hanging out with friends, whatever. God initially used a band named 12 Stones to help bring me to Him. However, it can be so easy for people, especially me, to get so consumed by music that we forget about the world around us.

This can be seen especially in gyms. A friend of mine who goes to Cardio Express told me once that he noticed practically everyone around him had earbuds on, listening to something while they were working out. In my experiences working at Sports Authority I've seen customers wearing earbuds while they're shopping. A student I see regularly at Eastern plays pool with a group of friends while wearing earbuds. He rarely talks to them as a result.

It got to the point where I as well could not go a day without listening to some form of music. I feel like I always have a song stuck in my head. Whenever I'm going through a trial, I even find myself going through my internal music library trying to find songs describing situations I've been through. At times it is comforting, but is it always right?

Recently, I felt it strongly put on my heart to take an extensive break from listening to music. I took off the cover of my stereo so I couldn't listen to the radio on my way to/from work, and did not access my iTunes library. I found myself bored sometimes, especially when driving. I was annoyed at times too, because I could hear noises I was trying to shut out, but couldn't. I even found myself making up my own music: singing songs, beatboxing, drumming on the steering wheel, etc. I even started playing my guitar again! (Not while I was driving, of course.)

More importantly, though, it caused me to pray much more. I found myself reciting more scriptures: some I haven't looked at for awhile and others I was trying to memorize. I also heard God speak to me much more as well. American society can be so LOUD that it can be hard to get quiet and hear that "still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12).

Is it possible to get quiet before God?

Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

So it is possible...I think about when in Mark 1:35, Jesus got up early in the morning before the sun came up (probably around 4am), and went to pray. Back in those days, it must have been so quiet. No hum of car engines, no televisions, no music, no airplanes, nothing. He probably just heard his heartbeat and the blood pump in his head. Jesus got that quiet, and as Christians I think we should make time to get that quiet: where there is no music, no crowds of people talking, no television blaring, but just you and God.

Will you do that? Try it out...

God bless you,

Steve

God's Word

"When you or I open the Bible, we are beholding the very words of God--words that have supernatural power to redeem, renew, refresh, and restore our lives to what he created them to be. That is why I believe it is more important for you and me to read Leviticus than for us to read the best Christian book ever published, because Leviticus has a quality and produces an effect that no book in the Christian marketplace can compete with. If we want to know the glory of God, if we want to experience the beauty of God, and if we want to be used by the hand of God, then we must live in the Word of God." -from the book, Radical by David Platt

In the book of Nehemiah Chapter 8, there was a powerful scene after Jerusalem was rebuilt. All Israel was gathered together to hear the Book of the Law read by Ezra the scribe. It said that Ezra read it “from early morning to midday” (8:3). In a sermon Pastor Mark Driscoll gave on this scene, he called it a “six hour sermon”, and after the Book was read there were also other men who helped the people of Israel understand the words they were hearing.

What I think is amazing about these people is that they were truly in a state of hunger for the scriptures of God. They desired deeply to hear God's Word and were willing to bear sitting in hot desert heat from early morning to midday to hear it. On top of that they were willing to then hear others instruct them on what the Law actually said.

In Psalm 119 we find the individual who wrote it in a similar state as these people were. He said things like, “I have stored up Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You,” (v. 11) or this powerful statement, “My soul clings to the dust, give me life according to Your Word” (v. 25). He understood that God's Word gives direction: “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (v. 105).

Where is our hunger for God's Word like that? We have God's Word in different versions and languages and access to the original Greek and Hebrew manuscripts. Christians in North Korea, where the Bible is considered the most dangerous book to own (they can get killed if they have a copy of it), desire so greatly to have what we have!

God's Word is perfect. Contrary to popular opinion, there are no contradictions in it. God's Word is deep. One could read it a thousand times and on the thousand and first, discover something new and exciting from it!

God's Word is pure. In being "breathed out by God" (2 Tim. 3:16), scripture is the most real material you can find. It's not watered down or censored in any way. God's Word tells things like they are. I own a copy of the Qu'ran and a copy of the Book of Mormon. I can read them for about two seconds before I get bored. No lie. Those books are dry. Why are they dry? Because they don't satisfy! (oo that rhymes!) God did not breathe out the Book of Mormon nor did He breathe out the Qu'ran.

Let's look back at our friends in Israel as Ezra is reading the Book of the Law, which includes Leviticus. It is probably one of the hardest books to read in the whole Bible because it is just a massive set of rules...some of which don't really directly apply to us anymore (ex. sacrifices, priestly cleansings, offerings, etc.). However there is a richness and depth of truth in Leviticus that is not found in The Shack, The Pursuit of God, My Utmost for His Highest, Irresistable Revolution, Mere Christianity or even in most Christian music today.

These people of Israel described in the book of Nehemiah had not heard the Book of the Law read in a long time. Probably their entire lives. Can you imagine what that must have been like to them? No wonder they were sitting and listening so intently! They craved scripture like a baby craved milk. They wanted it! They cheered for it! Is that us? Or do we instead cheer that loudly for our favorite Christian band, go ga-ga over The Shack, or make our own version of the Gospel according to The Irresistable Revolution (For the record...both those books are very good books. The Bible is just better!).

God's Word existed before this planet did and it will exist long after this planet dies. God's Word became flesh two thousand years ago and came on this earth for thirty three years, pursuing us, the people who rejected Him and died for us a brutal death on a cross so we could seek Him without hindrance. God's Word paid the price that we owed for our sins. God's Word is easily avaiable for us. Why don't we read and seek God's Word more often?

Confessions of a Recovering Facebook Addict

"THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH." (Romans 6:23)

Recently I decided to take a break from Facebook for 40 days. I found myself in a bit of a dry spell with God, and one of the things I literally felt consumed by was Facebook. It felt like my thoughts, my time, everything revolved around it. I couldn't work at home without checking it every five minutes, and I constantly had thoughts of: "Hey, this could make a cool status update..."

Whether it was to check my profile, change my picture, post status updates, view other people's status updates, or even spy on "friends" I haven't talked to since high school (some even elementary school), I could only imagine how many countless hours I wasted being consumed by it.

It got to the point where even when I just typed in the "www." in my web browser, it automatically guessed as a first choice that I'd be going to Facebook. My last weekly Covenant Eyes report before the break said I went to Facebook.com over 1,000 times in one week! I don't know about you, but I had a serious problem. It consumed me. It was hard going even a day without it.

That's what idols do. They consume you. They KILL you.

I find that when people pour out their entire lives for something other than Jesus, and it can be anything: sports, their job, music (I'll get to that one later), sex, whatever, it will leave you feeling empty and drained. Idols demand lots from you and give absolutely nothing back but a temporal, worthless high.

Facebook consumed me. Does it consume you? If it doesn't, then you can easily walk away from it. If you can't imagine your life without it, it's time for a break.

When people pour out their lives for Jesus, they find rest. Living for Jesus is hard, but pouring ourselves out for Him is the best thing you can do. Nothing compares to it. That's what He wants and that's what we need. If we pour ourselves out to other things: caffeine, Facebook, friends, social situations, etc. we will get drained. We will not be satisfied. We will be consumed. We will be slaves. We will be killed. We will be EMPTY!

By the grace of God I saw my flaw. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-Facebook. As of today, I'm actually back on Facebook. Facebook can be a very valuable tool when used for the glory of God. It can also be even more valuable when Christ is at the center of how we the users view it. Yes, those are separate things. Remember, God can glorify Himself through a thought provoking status update, even though it was not initially used with the purpose of glorifying Him (God is really sovereign like that).

Does that also mean that one needs to only post "super duper spiritual" Bible and sermon things? No, I don't think so. People have personalities. It's okay to have funny things posted, but as long as Christ remains the center of them in your heart, soul, mind, and strength when you post them. Is Christ the center? Because everything is about Him. It's not just about commandments, but about Him.

So in regards to Facebook, I am still recovering. I can still be prone to idolatry again, because though I'm dead to sin, I still wrestle with it. I am not over this by a long shot, but I have just made a first step. I also rejoice, because in Christ I am not a slave to sin, but free in Christ (who I'm now a slave to, by the way).

One amazing thing about Jesus is that we can come to Him how we are, no matter the sin struggle. That verse I quoted at the beginning of this post has an end: "...BUT THE FREE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE IN CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD."

Thanks for reading, being my friend, praying for me and standing by me.

God bless you,

Steve

Do you struggle with an idol? Check and ask God: "Search me and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." -Psalm 139:23-24

Could We Handle Massive Miracles?

The Bible is chalk full of miracles. What is a miracle anyway? The wise Noah Webster defined it like this:

1. Literally, a wonder or wonderful thing; but appropriately,
2. In theology, an event or effect contrary to the established constitution and course of things, or a deviation from the known laws of nature; a supernatural event. Miracles can be wrought only by Almighty power, as when Christ healed lepers, saying, "I will, be thou clean," or calmed the tempest, "Peace, be still." (taken from 1828-dictionary.com).

They happen all over the place and the Bible recorded tons of them. What is interesting is that most of the miracles in the Old Testament are massive, large scale ones mainly impacting groups of people. Examples included the deadly plagues in Egypt before the Exodus, fire raining down from Heaven and consuming sacrifices offered to God, an angel from heaven rescuing Israel by wiping out an entire army, the sun standing still for an entire day, and much more.

The ones recorded in the New Testament that Jesus and the disciples performed were much more subtle: individuals getting healed or resurrected, water getting turned to wine at a party, thousands of people getting fed because of a little boy's lunch, a bunch of people praising God in languages they didn't even learn, and much more.

I say subtle because they still did cause awe, but at the same time they caused a different kind of attention. Instead of massively and instantly causing an entire group to turn to repentance, the miracles of Jesus caused some very different reactions in some people. For example, in the New Testament there were people who believed, but there were also people who either doubted, got logical, got angry, or even got scared. When two thousand demon possessed pigs ran off a cliff, the people in that village politely asked Jesus to leave. The Pharisees also saw Jesus' miracles and just got more upset! One of the first remarks out of people's mouths when they heard the disciples speak other languages was: "These people had way too much wine!"

In our Western American society that loves science, we try to rationalize every miracle we see, attempting to put it in this box, hoping to solve it with some complex formula. Television specials on the plagues of Egypt, for example, tried to through science put together this extremely unlikely series of events to try to solve how these plagues happened.

I've seen YouTube videos of people getting out of wheelchairs and walking or crippled people dancing, and then I look down at the comments and they are chalk full of people saying things like, "This kid is faking it..." or even things like "It's a type of hypnosis the preacher is using...."

It makes me wonder how people would react to the large-scale miracles nowadays as well. For example, if an angel came down from Heaven and wiped out an entire terrorist training facility right before American soldiers invaded it, would they get down on their knees and repent to Jesus, or just stand in awe at the time and then later try to rationalize the whole situation saying, "The government was just trying a new weapon...I guess it worked!"

Is that why miracles are hard to find in our society nowadays? Have our "advances in technology and thought" really caused us to be dumber in regards to how we look at miracles?

So let me ask you, if you are someone who wants a miracle to happen in your own life....Would you believe it if you saw it? Or even more importantly....Would you give God the glory? Would it change how you looked at Him, related to Him, and served Him?

Because that's what God's goal is in His miracles....yes, it's for our blessing, but it's also for His glory. Usually, those two things are pretty synonymous. God wants to be glorified, not rationalized. God wants people to stand in awe of Him, not ignore Him more and just explain Him away with science.

I could be way off on this, but it's just something to think about....Any thoughts? Post them on here. Don't be shy!

God bless you!

Steve

To Whom It May Concern...Thank you!

One of the two Stop & Shop Cards I

anonymously received in the mail.

Two weeks ago I got paid!

But it was significantly lower than I thought it would be. Since Christmas ended, finances have been tight for me. Hours at work got cut and more things got taken out of my salary check for The Navigators. Things were tight and I didn't even know how I was going to get groceries for the week.

Once again I found myself nervous and praying. How was I even going to eat? Could I actually make it this time? Bills were also looming over my head, including a monthly pledge that I had to a missionary. The thought of canceling a payment for this month

Then two things happened. One of them was that I visited some friends of mine who are partnering with me in what I'm doing and they gave me a whole lot of food when they heard I was in need. Their mindset was that God has blessed them when things were tight for them, so they in turn wanted to bless me in this season when things were tight for me. So to them...thank you very much!

Now the second one was very shocking: In the mail last week I received an envelope with no return address on it. Inside it were two $20 gift cards to Stop & Shop! I couldn't believe it! I don't know who that person is, though I'm sure I'll find out one day. Thank you very much, whoever you are! You are truly a blessing!

It's interesting how over and over in the Bible we're told not to worry and not to fear, yet when things get tight we always do. The popular passage in Matthew 6, Jesus tells us how God provides for tiny birds daily who don't have food pantries in their nests. He then tells us how God clothes insignificant flowers that die every year. And then He asks us these things: "Are you not more valuable than they? Will He not much more clothe you -- you of little faith?" (6:26, 30).

God does provide! When we give sacrificially, like what my friends did, God provides. When we honor Him, He honors us. Even at times when we don't honor Him, He STILL honors us. It's called grace, which is poured out on us thanks to Jesus.

So thank God for His provision and THANK YOU , Mr. Mystery Person for following Him. This verse is for you:

"Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce, then your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will be bursting with wine" (Proverbs 3:9-10).

Strength in Hardship

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” -Luke 22:31-32

This verse is sobering for a variety of different reasons. It was said by Jesus to Simon hours before he would deny even knowing Jesus. Take a walk with me through it.

“Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat” - Just like Satan wanted Simon, Satan wants us. He wants to “sift us like wheat”. He wants to wear us down, and not just with temptation and sin. He can also wear us down with busyness and a works-based mentality. A sobering quote that I heard once is, “If the devil can’t kill you, he’ll make you busy.” Satan wants to do anything he can to distract us from God, His plan for us, and to prevent us from sacrificing everything for Jesus.

Things get hard as a Christian, which is not really shared much in the mainstream American Christianity today. People say that God delivered us from harm (which He did), but that harm is of everlasting punishment and damnation. That harm is not always something like physical healing or deliverance from a specific addiction. It can be, but it not always is. Christianity is HARD. There is PAIN in walking with Jesus because there is an internal battle with sin that we war against. There can also be persecution from others. People can lose friendships and even lose ties with family through being Christians.

“but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail.” - What a wonderful thing to meditate on: Jesus prayed for Simon! Do you think that Jesus is praying for us too? I know He’s God, but He prays to His Father and is currently, as I’m typing this, interceding for me and every other Christian on this planet as they struggle through sin to get to Him.

“And when you have turned again” - I find such hope in that phrase! Jesus didn’t say “if”, but “when”! He knew Simon would turn back to Him after this brief time of failure and folly. He knew because He is God and He always knows the future, but He also knew because He is God and absolutely none of His plans can be thwarted! (Job 42:2)

“strengthen your brothers” - Jesus already gave Simon a job, even when He knew Simon was going to fail miserably. That’s like a manager telling an unfaithful employee, “Hey, I know you’re not going to show up for work tomorrow, but when you return the next day, I would like you to lead a training session for your co-workers.” I’m not saying you should skip work tomorrow, but isn’t that cool? Jesus knew what pain Satan was going to put Simon through, knew he was going to come back, and then gave Him a job as Peter, THE ROCK!

Are you going through a season where it is just REALLY HARD to follow Christ? The worship songs all sound the same, the pastor’s sermons sound the same, the Bible devotions sound the same, you space out in your prayer times, and you stumble over sinful thoughts and actions. Remember this promise: If you are in Christ, God will never, ever, under any circumstance let go of you (Rom. 8:38-39).

Driscollisms

My last full semester at ECSU, I took a course on writing poetry, which COMPLETELY changed my perspective on it. I now think poetry is pretty cool. One of my most memorable poems is one called "Driscollisms," which is a tribute to Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle (www.marshillchurch.org). He has probably been one of the most influential people in my life. His views on anxiety, family, Jesus being everything, manliness and marriage have been transformational to me. Is Mark Driscoll Jesus? No, definitely not. However he loves Jesus and Jesus has used his messages and example in a lot of ways in my life.

This poem is a "postmodern cento" (chen-toe), which is a bit of an abstract form of poetry. Basically the poet takes lines from a source like a movie, a book, fortune cookies, or whatever in no particular order and makes a poem out of them. So for this, I took lines from various sermons that Mark Driscoll preached. The students in my class took it pretty well and thought it was pretty hilarious, especially because they usually thought Christians were "very religious, and very serious. And I think that's funny!" (Driscoll). So anyways, here is the poem. Enjoy!

Driscollisms
Various lines from various sermons by Pastor Mark Driscoll

Howdy Mars Hill,
I’m sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee
Just trying to put the “fun” back in fundamentalism
Have a little fun with yourself because you are a joke.
I believe the joy of the Lord is our strength, and it’s cheaper than meds.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Answer: homeless.
You change now, little boy.
You shut up, you put your pants on, you get a job,
you grow up and maybe one day you can love a woman.
Does he do this all the time? Yes, that’s why they have security.

I’m just the big brother giving them a wedgie for Jesus. That’s my job!
Gentlemen, your goal is not to stand before God
and tell him what level you got to on World of Warcraft.
She’s hot! So is Hell! Run forest run!
Go and grill your Garden Burger…or repent and eat some ribs.

I’m gonna get some water because I feel like I’m gonna start yelling again…
Jesus can’t kick anybody in the nuts! That’s a sin!
That’s funny, unless you’re that guy.
Write that down in our handy dandy notebook, we just figured out Blue’s Clues.

Jesus watches you download porn, which is theologically correct and actually true.
DJ Jazzy Jesus: two turntables and a microphone.
He’s a little kid, but He looks like an itty bitty man.
Every kid cries. They can’t talk. They’re like, “There’s something warm in the back! AAAH!!!”
So yes, Jesus did number one and number two…perfectly apparently.

Religious folks didn’t like Jesus because they never got invited to any parties.
What do you do with religious types? Make fun of them. Jesus did! That’s Biblical!
Jesus killed 2,000 pigs…hope he turned them into bacon.
David did it, I can do it. It’s a sandwich.

Post-Jesus? That’s Pre-Hell!
I will go to Hell, and there will be beer, and it will be fun.
He’s faking it? He’s a faker?
Yes, but you have not seen the big red “S” on my chest: SAVED!
You’re a terrible person!
You are worse than you ever feared and you are more loved than you ever dreamed.
I love you, that’s why I yell at you.

Christmas Reflections

Earlier tonight I was able to watch The Nativity Story with some close friends. Though it really wasn't exactly how things went down as they were recorded in scripture, it at least gave people a feel for the basic story as well as a very accurate glimpse into what the culture of those days was like.

One thing that has really been standing out to me this Christmas season is the faith of Mary and Joseph in the nine months building up to Jesus' birth. In Mary's time, living in an extremely conservative and legalistic culture, she risked the possibility of being beaten and stoned to death, losing her husband, and reputation for coming back home from a long trip being pregnant.

In Luke 1, it said that after Mary got visited by Gabriel and became pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit, she sang a beautiful and theologically rich song of praise to God. It highlighted how she trusted in His sovereignty over her present situation. The scriptures never mentioned, however, any feelings of doubt, fear or anxiety Mary felt afterward. Did that mean she never went through them? Come on now, she's human! Of course Mary must have battled with some doubts, especially when she came back and saw Joseph's shocked face at the fact her belly was bigger than when they last saw each other.

Then of course one must think of her parents. I bet they were a little concerned too! In the situation she was in once she got home, Elizabeth, her cousin with whom she could definitely sympathize with and vent to, was nowhere in sight. She was alone with her faith.

Have you been like that before? Maybe you're the only Christian in your family this Christmas. It's tough, right? Maybe your family just cares about opening presents, drinking egg nog, maybe "sparking" that nog a bit, then getting drunk and passing out. The last thing they want to rejoice over is Jesus' birth. Probably the only time they say the words "Jesus Christ" is when they're upset. People around you don't understand you. They may even be judging you and making fun of you behind your back.

I guarantee you, though scripture doesn't record it, Mary was there. Nazareth was a small town and I'm sure word got out that Mary came back from her long trip pregnant.

Or maybe you had a set plan this past year of what you wanted to do with your life, but a monkey wrench got thrown into it. That was Joseph. He had the woman of his dreams, a steady job, and a house. Then all of a sudden his plans got thwarted because Mary came home pregnant AND the Roman government tells him he has to go back to Bethlehem, where he was born, and register for the census. He then had to take his very pregnant new wife who he can't even have sex with across rocky desert terrain with little food and water and a high risk of attack by thieves on the roads. Not exactly the plan he was thinking of, eh?

But they both took that journey together in faith knowing that this was from God and that He would provide for their every need.

I can tell you one thing....I did NOT expect this past year to turn out the way it did.

I had a plan: quit Storrs Drug, join EDGE Corps, fundraise all summer, be fully funded, get housing locally in Willimantic, start a Bible Study with non-Christians on campus at Eastern, help the Bible clubs on both the ECSU and MCC campuses grow, and disciple a few students.

That was NOT what happened at all. I only raised 21% of my full-time salary. It was such a stressful time over the summer raising support, that I never even got around to finding a place locally in Willimantic over the summer. No Bible Study was ever started at Eastern this past semester with non-Christians. I can only count on one hand the amount of deep spiritual conversations I had with them. The Bible clubs on both the MCC and ECSU campuses went through some hard months this semester and there was a decline in the spiritual morale and general population of both clubs. Lastly, since I was only on each campus once a week on average, I only was able to start a steady discipling relationship with one student. The rest of the discipling relationships I had fell apart because those students lost spiritual interest.

On top of that, there have been new and tough convictions placed in my heart concerning discipleship, church, what it means to be truly SOLD OUT for Christ, and much more. They are still things that I'm still trying to understand. However, just like Joseph and Mary, I want to take a deep step of faith this year. I have NO idea what this coming year will look like. I have no idea what even this coming month will look like!

For those of you who supported me this past year, thank you so much once again for your prayers, your advice, words of wisdom and encouragement, financial contributions and of course....MY HOUSING! A wonderful surprise this past year was not only when I was going to move more locally, but where. I did not see myself AT ALL living where I am now, and I am deeply thankful for it.

This Christmas, though circumstances are crazy, I thank God for the blessings He has given me. This past year throughout all the financial hardship, I never went broke, hungry or homeless. I gained new friends and became closer with existing friends. God has been good in more ways than I could have ever dreamed.

This Christmas, take a quiet moment away from family and the busyness. Reflect on God's goodness and grace. Reflect on HIS SON going from limitless God of the universe not bound by space and time to an infant who could only cry and poop, who spent His first night on earth in a feeding trough to start a rescue mission for our souls!

Merry Christmas!

-Steve

Linkin Park - "What I've Done"

"I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies, so let mercy come and wash away what I've done." -Linkin Park from their song "What I've Done"

A long time ago when I used to listen to Linkin Park, I was a depressed teenager who used the music I listened to in fueling my rage and depression. I went through a season in my Christian walk where I had to get rid of every ounce of that music in order to find wholeness and healing, which included Linkin Park. However recently, now that I have been having a more stable root in Christ, have been able to revisit a lot of their songs with a more Christ-centered perspective that has literally caused me to enter into a spirit of worship. Their single that came out a few years ago called, "What I've Done" off of their album Minutes to Midnight talks a lot about repentance and letting go of past regrets or...dare I say it...SINS!

The music video for this song is very powerful. Joseph Hahn, the man behind the turntables for the band, also directed this video along with most of the other videos that Linkin Park has come out with. He does a great job in directing them and this video is no exception. I loved the series of images that were put into the video. They all flowed so harmoniously, showing in many ways the sins of society, particularly America. What's interesting is how the images flow to really get across some humbling messages. For example in the first chorus they showed images of lepers and hungry people then a sign saying, "EAT" and a boy stuffing his face. What a sobering image of corporate America today. While we are getting fat off fast food, millions are starving in other countries across the world.

Now for the record, Linkin Park does not call themselves a Christian band. From what I heard, almost every member of the band calls themselves some form of "Christian", except Brad Delson, the guitarist who is Jewish and Chester Bennington, who is an agnostic. Does that impact the meaning behind this video in any way? It could...

Now let's talk about the lyrics. What I've noticed about Linkin Park's lyrics is how they are very "general" in what they are talking about in order to appeal to a wider audience. For example, if a Christian like me wants to get a good message out of this, he can go right ahead!

The lyrics really talk about turning away from the old and starting over by embracing the new."'In this farewell, there's no blood, there's no alibi, 'cause I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies."

The speaker in the lyrics feels no regret whatsoever in turning away, but only regret in what they have done. They realized that the life they were living before was filled with "a thousand lies." That is the story of every Christian today. They realized that the life they were living before was completely meaningless. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon, who is a bitter, old, repentant man comes to this conclusion: I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind" (Eccl. 1:14). Everything that this world has to offer by itself is worthless. It's meaningless. The only truth about these things is that they are filled with "a thousand lies" of true satisfaction and meaning. These things won't bring meaning! They will leave you empty.

Then we come to the pre-chorus: "So let mercy come and wash away what I've done." This person wants mercy! Isn't that a beautiful picture? It is just like that picture Jesus painted of that tax collector at the temple beating his chest saying, "God have mercy on me, a sinner!" (Luke 18:13). We want mercy, we crave it. The speaker in this song is similar to that tax collector. They want mercy to come and wash away what they did. What's interesting is that mercy does not just come from within. It comes from someone else: Jesus Christ, the one who made mercy possible in the first place.

In the chorus the speaker talks about facing themselves, manning up to their mistakes and hoping to cross out what they did. What Chester Bennington doesn't realize yet, is that WE can't cross out what we did, but only Jesus can. However we should humble ourselves, lay down our lives and ask God, "What can I do with this? Give me some steps to set me free!" Repentance isn't just feeling bad and apologizing. It's a process of actively turning away.

In the second verse it makes reference to putting to rest what others think of us. Repentance isn't always welcomed with joy by others. Sometimes people don't get it. Sometimes it hurts!A few years ago I realized I was in a morally compromising relationship with another girl and had to let her go. She didn't understand and neither did her friends. I lost not only her, but her friends as well. In repentance, we need to do whatever it takes and burn whatever bridges we can. Even if some short-term results are loneliness and isolation as we attempt to find a new group of friends to hang out with. I've met people who have seen their sin, but refuse to let it go and embrace Jesus for fear of what their friends might think of them.

The speaker then refers to "hands of uncertainty". When we first start repenting from issues that literally were our lives, it doesn't initially make sense. We just know in our hearts that it's wrong and I have to get rid of it. The desire doesn't exactly go away either. We may be going the rest of our lives warring with images in our heads and desires in our hearts to turn back to those sins. We may even have "breaking points" where we want "just a taste" of that "good feeling" the sin brought on. Don't do it! Like it says in Romans 6, put that sin to death, even if it doesn't feel right. IT IS RIGHT!

Finally there is that powerful bridge of the song: "I start again and whatever pain may come, today this ends, I'm forgiving what I've done." When we do put the sin to death with our "hands of uncertainty" by the new power that is in us through Christ, we do "start again". In the music video during those lines, Joseph Hahn intentionally placed in images of a flower blooming, a cell dividing, an ultrasound of a child in a womb and then an infant playfully running. What a beautiful image of a new life!

In our new life in Christ, "whatever pain may come" we vow to always do our best to remember God's commandments and turn away from our own sin. We turn away from whatever feels right. We put that old life to an end TODAY, like it says in the song. Now in some ways, I don't agree with that word in the last line there that says "I'm forgiving what I've done." Obviously it's God who forgives, which is where I don't agree. I do believe, though, that we do need to also forgive ourselves and "stop playing judge". There are times in life when we do forget that God has forgiven us and we don't forgive ourselves for the wrong we have done. We beat ourselves into a pit and almost throw ourselves into Hell.

My friend, you don't play judge. Jesus does. And if you're in Jesus, His verdict for you is "Not Guilty." That's it. Rest in that! Rejoice in that like that infant child running! That "as far as the east is from the west, as far does He take our transgressions from us". (Psalm 103:12) He forgives what we've done. Therefore YOU need to forgive what you've done and rest in God's promise of atonement, salvation and forgiveness.

"I start again and whatever pain may come; today this ends, [He's forgiven] what I've done!" -the last line of that song with a slightly better adaptation to it.

Turn away from that sin in the new life you have in Christ. Forgive what you've done because He's forgiven you!

God bless you,

Steve