"Wounds so deep, they never show, they never go away.
Like moving pictures in my head, for years and years they've played."
-from "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park
“I’m not sure that anybody who lived through that one hasn’t carried with him, in some hidden ways, the scars. Perhaps that is the factor that helps keep Easy Men bonded so unusually close together.” -Captain Richard Winters, from Easy Company, WWII
"Scars remind us that the past was real." -William Shakespeare
Do any of you remember those old cliche kung fu movies? They always start out in such a way where they show the hero as a baby with his family. Then the villain comes in and murders the child's family, burns down the house and it shows a dramatic scene of the baby crying alone in the dark.
Then for the rest of his life (at least in the movie), he is driven by only one desire: revenge. That festering wound in his heart became his identity. It was the only thing he desired: to see the man who killed his family dead.
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about wounds. We are a people who in many ways can let wounds define us. Many charities are started because of a person seeing a wound. Invisible Children, for example was started because this group of guys stumbled across a remnant of African orphans running from child soldiers in Africa. They were dirty, hungry, and wounded in more ways than one. Seeing them so deeply moved them to action.
Our wounds can drive us. Sometimes certain wounds even from our past if they hurt us deep enough propel us forward in how we think of ourselves, others and even God. If we had festering wounds from an abusive father, seeing God as a loving Father is extremely hard for us.
But you know...God talked about wounds.
"But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and byhis wounds we are healed." -Isaiah 53:5 (NIV, emphasis mine)
Wounds we've experienced through hard times can define our entire lives. But then we see Jesus. He bore the wounds of sin, both physical with the cross and even more so spiritual with the wrath of God.
You see, when God looks at us as followers of Christ, He doesn't see the wounds from our past sins and sufferings, He sees the wounds of Jesus.
In Jesus, wounds bring on a whole new meaning. We can exchange our wounds for His....
The following is the conclusion of a post I wrote a few weeks ago. You can read the first part by clicking here. You can also check out another LP post I wrote a few months ago by clicking here. Enjoy and thanks for reading!
God save us everyone, will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
For the sins of our hands, for the sins of our tongue,
for the sins of our fathers, for the sinsof our young?
NO!
Musically at this point the music portrays a stirring and rising effect. As it should, for this verse describes a desire for change. Suddenly this speaker is in fact crying out to God. In the "burning" part, he even understands what the wage of his sin will bring. All people deep down inside know that society itself is crumbling and that something is wrong. We can sense it. This person seems to understand why and even sees the end result. He even knows why! The word "for" is another word for "because". So burning "inside the fires of a thousand suns" is because of the sins we committed, both past, present and future. We do sin with both our hands and our tongue. Words can cut deep into people, and all of us have said the wrong things.
In using "fathers" and "young", it shows that sin is generational. It is a hereditary trait. It doesn't even just have to do with the past, but how we live in the future. It impacts our children in such a negative way. A lot of the bad habits we have, our children tend to have as well.
However, like what was said, this speaker is crying out to God for salvation. He wants an end to this! He wonders if we will burn or if God will send help to grant us a way out to freedom. He doesn't know what else to do except cry out for mercy. He doesn't present any special offerings, because he understands that they will never amount to anything. He sees that nothing will save him from "burning in the fires of a thousand suns", but that "chant" ends with one word: "NO!" No, I WILL not burn, I will not bear this wrath. Some would say, "He's making his own truth and being his own God," but may I suggest that this speaker is repenting. He is making an active choice of walking away from this sin, darkness and death and into life.
The song lastly transitions into a finale, with the words said repeatedly, "Lift me up, let me go." The tone of them is of increasing desperation and fervency. They see that the only way out is not done by the work of their hands. They are trapped in the "sins of their hands, tongue, fathers and young." This ordeal "cannot be outfought, cannot be outdone, cannot be outmatched, cannot be outrun." The speaker sees that the only way out is through reaching out to someone or something outside of himself. He sees himself having bad karma, and cannot work to be saved from the mess he found himself in. The debt he has is too high for him to pay. He needs to be freed from the society around him and even more importantly, HIMSELF!
According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, a catalyst is "an agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action." Pretty much every testimony by a Christian that I know of has to do with reaching a point of hitting "rock bottom", like described in this song. The person realizes that they have been consumed by the evil of the world around them, and at the same time have contributed to that evil. This person sees their filth and realizes that they need to make a change not in just some parts of their life, but their entire life.
Oftentimes when we humans have reached our most bitter and broken circumstances, an automatic reflex is to lift our hands up to the heavens, crying for help, mercy and deliverance! At one point in the music video for this song, we see the lead singer Chester Bennington doing just that. I sincerely hope and pray that one day all the members of this band do this, if they haven't already. Maybe this song is a bit of prophecy?
Jesus Christ answers the cry of the broken, oppressed and sinful. He did this by dying a brutal death on a cross, facing not only physical, but spiritual anguish. Three days later, He did the impossible: rising from the dead, which was the exclamation point on the victory He offers to all of humanity openly and freely. Upon trusting in Him, the only "fire" we will experience is not the "burning fire of a thousand suns" composed of judgement and eternal condemnation, but the all consuming "fire" of cleansing, restoration, life and power.
"The Catalyst" is written by Linkin Park, copyright 2010 Universal Music.
Linkin Park is not, nor has ever been a Christian band. In the album booklet for A Thousand Suns, they state, "the imagery personified herein is neither dogma nor political premeditation." All interpretations of this song are not exactly, to my knowledge, the same as the band's interpretations. They are mine as a professed Christian, as God has used this music to impact me. I sincerely hope and pray that the same will be true for you.
GOD CAN USE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FOR HIS GLORY.
A few years ago while younger in my Christian faith, I threw out all my secular CDs, feeling strongly that it was from God and that I had to get rid of every evil thing I owned. The music I listened to represented years of depression, sorrow and regret. Linkin Park, one of my favorite bands, was part of that music collection. However about two years ago, as my faith gained stability, I found myself led by the Holy Spirit to go back to listening to them again. Linkin Park's music used to aid me into welcoming thoughts of hopelessness, but lately I have found some of their songs literally bringing me to my knees.
The nice thing about Linkin Park's lyrical content in their music is that it is incredibly vague. They never use names, or describe specific situations, but purposefully make their lyrics as broad and general as possible. Anything specific is described using poetic imagery and symbolism, which allows any listener to interpret what they say for themselves.
In their song "The Catalyst", there is a lot of beautiful poetic imagery, which shows definite maturity for Chester Bennington and Mike Shinoda (the band's singers). The song has simple lyrics, many of them sung repeatedly, like a chant.
God bless us everyone, we're a broken people living under loaded gun, and it can't be outfought, it can't be outrun, it can't be outmatched, it can't be outrun. NO!
The band took a very bold step in this song, using the words "God" and "sins". People today, even in churches, don't like saying the word "sin". The same goes with the word "God." They oftentimes instead use words like "Higher Power" or "force". Even some Christian artists nowadays won't use those words in their lyrics, but Linkin Park flat out calls them as they are!
This verse emphasizes brokenness and hopelessness. In using "us", it shows that this is a whole group of people, probably society in general. This verse very accurately represents our world today. The words, "living under loaded gun" stress that these people are under the authority of evil and are being broken by it and are completely and utterly hopeless. They can't fight, they can't run, because they can't even match up to the incredible size of their oppressor. Romans 3:23 says, "All have sinned", and Jesus says, "Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin" (John 8:34).
The words, "God bless us everyone", I don't think emphasize the fact that they are crying out to God, but I think they have more of a sarcastic tone to them. God has NOT blessed them. The people in this song are in pain. They don't feel blessed, they feel cursed! I think they do want blessing, and may even think that they have it or deserve it. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death." A wage is something you earn. Sin blinds us, deceives us and ultimately kills us.
And when I close my eyes tonight to symphonies of blinding light, (God bless us everyone, we're a broken people living under loaded gun) Like memories in cold decay, transmissions echoing away, Far from a world of you and I, where oceans bleed into the sky.
The words here stress a hope for something more. The speaker portrayed in this DREAMS of a world filled with light, bliss and harmony. The light is even blinding. In the Bible, when certain people saw God, they saw blinding light. Paul was literally blinded by it when God showed up to him. The speaker longs for something bigger than they are. However, when the speaker opens his eyes in the morning after dreaming, he is back in this dark world he is trapped in. Whether we're Christian or not, we've all felt this way before. That bigger thing is the God of the Universe.
The old world is only a memory, one in "cold decay". Every memory progressively loses more of its luster as its "transmissions echo away." This was probably just how Adam felt during the ticking days after he was excommunicated from Eden. Adam was alive 930 years (Genesis 5:5). That is a lot of reflection time! He had no more face to face interaction with God. No more peace, and no more harmony. He became just like God (Gen. 3:5), and I'm sure he completely regretted it.
This is the state of humanity today. Once freely able to seek and serve the God who loves us, now in bondage by the sin that consumed us.
"The Catalyst" is written by Linkin Park, copyright 2010 Universal Music.
"I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies, so let mercy come and wash away what I've done." -Linkin Park from their song "What I've Done"
A long time ago when I used to listen to Linkin Park, I was a depressed teenager who used the music I listened to in fueling my rage and depression. I went through a season in my Christian walk where I had to get rid of every ounce of that music in order to find wholeness and healing, which included Linkin Park. However recently, now that I have been having a more stable root in Christ, have been able to revisit a lot of their songs with a more Christ-centered perspective that has literally caused me to enter into a spirit of worship. Their single that came out a few years ago called, "What I've Done" off of their album Minutes to Midnight talks a lot about repentance and letting go of past regrets or...dare I say it...SINS!
The music video for this song is very powerful. Joseph Hahn, the man behind the turntables for the band, also directed this video along with most of the other videos that Linkin Park has come out with. He does a great job in directing them and this video is no exception. I loved the series of images that were put into the video. They all flowed so harmoniously, showing in many ways the sins of society, particularly America. What's interesting is how the images flow to really get across some humbling messages. For example in the first chorus they showed images of lepers and hungry people then a sign saying, "EAT" and a boy stuffing his face. What a sobering image of corporate America today. While we are getting fat off fast food, millions are starving in other countries across the world.
Now for the record, Linkin Park does not call themselves a Christian band. From what I heard, almost every member of the band calls themselves some form of "Christian", except Brad Delson, the guitarist who is Jewish and Chester Bennington, who is an agnostic. Does that impact the meaning behind this video in any way? It could...
Now let's talk about the lyrics. What I've noticed about Linkin Park's lyrics is how they are very "general" in what they are talking about in order to appeal to a wider audience. For example, if a Christian like me wants to get a good message out of this, he can go right ahead!
The lyrics really talk about turning away from the old and starting over by embracing the new."'In this farewell, there's no blood, there's no alibi, 'cause I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies."
The speaker in the lyrics feels no regret whatsoever in turning away, but only regret in what they have done. They realized that the life they were living before was filled with "a thousand lies." That is the story of every Christian today. They realized that the life they were living before was completely meaningless. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon, who is a bitter, old, repentant man comes to this conclusion: I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind" (Eccl. 1:14). Everything that this world has to offer by itself is worthless. It's meaningless. The only truth about these things is that they are filled with "a thousand lies" of true satisfaction and meaning. These things won't bring meaning! They will leave you empty.
Then we come to the pre-chorus: "So let mercy come and wash away what I've done." This person wants mercy! Isn't that a beautiful picture? It is just like that picture Jesus painted of that tax collector at the temple beating his chest saying, "God have mercy on me, a sinner!" (Luke 18:13). We want mercy, we crave it. The speaker in this song is similar to that tax collector. They want mercy to come and wash away what they did. What's interesting is that mercy does not just come from within. It comes from someone else: Jesus Christ, the one who made mercy possible in the first place.
In the chorus the speaker talks about facing themselves, manning up to their mistakes and hoping to cross out what they did. What Chester Bennington doesn't realize yet, is that WE can't cross out what we did, but only Jesus can. However we should humble ourselves, lay down our lives and ask God, "What can I do with this? Give me some steps to set me free!" Repentance isn't just feeling bad and apologizing. It's a process of actively turning away.
In the second verse it makes reference to putting to rest what others think of us. Repentance isn't always welcomed with joy by others. Sometimes people don't get it. Sometimes it hurts!A few years ago I realized I was in a morally compromising relationship with another girl and had to let her go. She didn't understand and neither did her friends. I lost not only her, but her friends as well. In repentance, we need to do whatever it takes and burn whatever bridges we can. Even if some short-term results are loneliness and isolation as we attempt to find a new group of friends to hang out with. I've met people who have seen their sin, but refuse to let it go and embrace Jesus for fear of what their friends might think of them.
The speaker then refers to "hands of uncertainty". When we first start repenting from issues that literally were our lives, it doesn't initially make sense. We just know in our hearts that it's wrong and I have to get rid of it. The desire doesn't exactly go away either. We may be going the rest of our lives warring with images in our heads and desires in our hearts to turn back to those sins. We may even have "breaking points" where we want "just a taste" of that "good feeling" the sin brought on. Don't do it! Like it says in Romans 6, put that sin to death, even if it doesn't feel right. IT IS RIGHT!
Finally there is that powerful bridge of the song: "I start again and whatever pain may come, today this ends, I'm forgiving what I've done." When we do put the sin to death with our "hands of uncertainty" by the new power that is in us through Christ, we do "start again". In the music video during those lines, Joseph Hahn intentionally placed in images of a flower blooming, a cell dividing, an ultrasound of a child in a womb and then an infant playfully running. What a beautiful image of a new life!
In our new life in Christ, "whatever pain may come" we vow to always do our best to remember God's commandments and turn away from our own sin. We turn away from whatever feels right. We put that old life to an end TODAY, like it says in the song. Now in some ways, I don't agree with that word in the last line there that says "I'm forgiving what I've done." Obviously it's God who forgives, which is where I don't agree. I do believe, though, that we do need to also forgive ourselves and "stop playing judge". There are times in life when we do forget that God has forgiven us and we don't forgive ourselves for the wrong we have done. We beat ourselves into a pit and almost throw ourselves into Hell.
My friend, you don't play judge. Jesus does. And if you're in Jesus, His verdict for you is "Not Guilty." That's it. Rest in that! Rejoice in that like that infant child running! That "as far as the east is from the west, as far does He take our transgressions from us". (Psalm 103:12) He forgives what we've done. Therefore YOU need to forgive what you've done and rest in God's promise of atonement, salvation and forgiveness.
"I start again and whatever pain may come; today this ends, [He's forgiven] what I've done!" -the last line of that song with a slightly better adaptation to it.
Turn away from that sin in the new life you have in Christ. Forgive what you've done because He's forgiven you!
This song "Numb" by Linkin Park (Facebook users see posted link in my profile) I think paints a good picture about what it's like to be broken, though it's from a worldly standpoint where there is no hope. I actually listened to this song a lot when I was in high school and struggled with depression in hopes of it being a comfort mechanism. In what is posted you'll see what I found my true Hope to be.
"Ice ages..." I heard a homeless guy in Burlington, Vermont tell me once when I was street witnessing there with some friends.
"What do you mean?" we asked him.
I remembered his bloodshot, exhausted and empty eyes as they looked at me. "You remember that scripture that talks about God spitting the lukewarm out of His mouth? Ice ages...I don't feel anything. Ice ages..."
Have you ever felt so depressed and you wanted to just let it all out, but for some strange reason you couldn't cry? You would sit there and feel absolutely miserable, but no tears would be welling up in your eyes. There was just...nothing.
Though I thank God I'm no longer in that deep rut of depression that I was in during high school, sometimes because of that I can forget what it was actually like to feel like I felt. I never want to feel it again, but at the same time in order to reach out to those who struggle with it, I don't want to forget it. This post will serve as two things: a reminder for me and an encouragement for you if you're someone who is going through that right now.
I grew up in a culture and crowd during high school where depression was the norm. People struggled, people cried, people hated life and at the same time didn't care because life was always going to be like that and they would just have to deal with it. Some I knew would just put on this fake happy smile like everything was okay. Others would try to cope with that dark, hopeless feeling with alcohol, drugs, romantic relationships, cutting, or whatever other method they could think of.
Now most of the problems I had were internal. I never really had bad circumstances in my life, like what some of my friends had. I never had a broken home or anything like that. I had and still have great parents who love and support me very much, which I am extremely thankful for. School did stress me out, but it wasn't bad enough to cause me to want to cut myself. I just had these internal battles with just feeling down all the time. The weird thing was that in some ways I actually wanted it. I wanted to feel like life was worthless. I almost craved it, which was crazy, and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if that was how it was with the rest of that "goth/punk/skater/emo" crew I grew up in during high school.
At the same time I wanted a release so badly. I remembered how much I wanted one during those times, which was part of the reason why I tried cutting. I'd pick up a blade, usually not a razor blade but a blunt one like scissors. Blunt ones hurt more. It was harder to get blood, but it hurt. I'd let loose, there would be a high and then it would be over. And you know what? There was no freedom. Just the same numb feeling and a new problem of concealing a wound from friends and family.
I don't mean to sound so depressing, but that was my life in high school. That was what I wrestled with. Loud music was another form of release. I'd crank Linkin Park or something and I would just trash my room. Or I would just crank it and get lost in my own fantasy world with the music. But once more there was no freedom. I was still numb, the problems were still there and now my ears were ringing and I had a new mess to clean up.
And then came Jesus. I used to look at God as being this big, powerful guy on a throne who really wanted nothing to do with me. If anything, He was just there to mock me. He would show off and then laugh when I fell. However when I turned my life to Him, I realized how much God loved me and how much He wanted to actually help me out. I could just come to Him as I was. It took awhile, but God showed me His love, His comfort, and His peace. Not only that, but He actually helped me solve those problems I would be struggling with. It was awful, but over time I found more and more comfort in God's grace.
I found love that wasn't in some girl or even in what my parents showed me. It was in the reality of the all-powerful God of the universe, whose standards are perfection or nothing, deciding to send His Son on a rescue mission to earth. He took on Himself the sins of the world and bore the wrath of God, the pain we deserve and died a brutal death on a cross. He also resurrected, beating all of that. He did it not only so we can be set free from sin, but so we can freely come to God and talk with Him. That love right there is beyond any other love I could ever receive in my lifetime.
It's such a comfort for me knowing that no matter what pain I go through, I am not alone. Though there are times when I may feel alone, I am never alone. Nothing separates me from God. That is a promise He gives us when we decide to trust and fully believe in Him.
And to tell you what, life doesn't just get "dandy" after someone gives their life to Jesus. Things aren't always "happily ever after." Sometimes circumstances in life get brutal and may actually get worse than before you even gave your life to Jesus. Sometimes you even pray for release, for healing, for a breakthrough and there is just....nothing. You get no verbal affirmation from God, no prophecy, nothing. You just get cold silence.
Life even as a Christian isn't all smiles. On a sidenote, it drives me crazy if I'm having a bad day and someone comes up to me....usually it's some giddy girl.....and they just say to you, "SMILE!" It's just so artificial and honestly so dangerous to live your life with a fake smile on your face. Sometimes life just gets rotten, whether you're a Christian or not.
However in Christ we have something to look forward to. Even our deepest pains have purpose and there is a bigger plan for them. You see when someone is in Christ, he or she is deeply involved in a plan that is so much larger than "just getting by in their own life." We may not see that plan at all. We may not feel God's warm embrace.
But He is there.
So to those out there who don't know Jesus...I'm not trying to look down on you and condemn you, but you need Him...more than you'll ever know. He can comfort and He can heal. And to my friends who do know Jesus, but who don't feel Him...please, I beg of you, stand strong. Don't give up. It's easier to say this than to feel it, but God is there. This is for a purpose. He will rescue you.
This is long, and this was edited a few times before being posted.
