"Father of a murdered son, husband of a murdered wife..."

"How dare you show your back to me! Slave!" Commodus looked at the gladiator, offended. "You will remove your helmet and tell me your name."

The gladiator looked down, his back still facing the offended caesar. Reluctantly, he removed his helmet, exposing his moist, matted hair. He turned around with a look of determination and fury. "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius..."

He stepped slowly toward the befuddled emperor, not looking away for an instant. "...Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance in this life, or the next."

Gladiator is probably one of my all-time favorite movies. It is a classic example of good triumphing over evil, and the bad guy truly getting what he deserved. Recently when I was watching it, that particular scene really stuck out to me.

It made me think in many ways about God's broken relationship with man. He made man in His image, made woman in the man's image, both to glorify Him. Man then deliberately disobeyed Him and as a result, that man and all of us after that man became infected with sin.

As a result, our default ways are evil and we only do it because we want to be God. We think our rules are better than His, so we give Him the finger and do it ourselves. So God, over and over again, sends us prophets. We disown them, we beat them up, we even kill them.

If you were God, wouldn't you stop here? Wouldn't you just end it all by destroying all these people? They still won't listen!

But God doesn't do that. God instead looks at His Son, His only Son and says, "Son, please tell them to turn back to me." So His Son comes to earth as a man, and we laugh at Him, mock Him, spit on Him, nail metal spikes into His hands and feet and hang Him bleeding and naked on a wooden cross for six hours until He died.

Yes, we murdered God. We weren't there physically, but we are presently just as responsible for His death as Judas, as Pilate, as the Pharisees, and as the Roman guards.

This is offensive, isn't it? This is something we don't want to hear. This is something I don't even want to type! But in God's eyes, this is why justice through eternal damnation in Hell makes perfect sense. Just like how Maximus' declaration of vengeance makes sense. I cheered for him when I watched that movie, didn't you?

But here is something that's absolutely shocking. It's more than shocking! It's scandalous! Though Jesus Christ was murdered by mankind, that same death became the payment for the condemnation we deserve. Through believing that death did this, we go from being called enemies to being called sons.

There was silence in that Roman arena when Maximus looked with fury at Commodus. There was shock. There was disbelief. However, imagine the disbelief if the scene continued like this:

"...Father of a murdered son, husband of a murdered wife..." his eyes then became eyes of compassion. "I forgive you, Commodus. More than that, I want to adopt you. I want to call you my son."

People would be even more shocked, maybe a little angry too. Commodus himself would probably faint in disbelief!

This is what God offers us. Still, though we rebel through our thoughts and actions, He continues to show love and grace to us. He continues to pursue us. Though He should be infuriated, He is lovingly holding that fury back from us and offering us untold grace and love. He's offering us Himself.

That's God's love. We don't deserve it, but we get it. He offers it to all of mankind, no matter how bad we've been.

Isn't that amazing? It's funny how many of us will just stay with the condemnation. Even Christians. We stop at the condemnation and we get offended that it's even there, but we forget about the bigger love despite that! God offers us a bigger love.

Will you embrace that love?

Forgiving Myself

This past weekend, The Navigators had our regional Northeast Conference. There were over 200 students and ECSU had a record 30 students come out, including alumni and students from other local universities who have visited the club there. Highlights included good speakers, powerful testimonies, wonderful conversations, and empowering workshops. I had the distinct privilege at the conference to lead a workshop called "Forgiveness: the Necessity and Power of Letting Go". In it, I shared about how just like Christ forgave us of an enormous debt, we should likewise forgive others of their much smaller, yet still pretty significant debts.

The workshop environment was somber, as students were a bit reluctant to speak, but still they were very receptive. At the end, I gave them opportunity to write down in detail the grudges that God had put on their heart to let go, pray over them, and then as a symbol of letting them go, they would tear up the piece of paper and dispose of it. Definitely the loudest and most satisfying noise at the end was the sound of the tearing up of paper!

I received much positive feedback from students, and even heard a testimony of a girl who let go of a grudge she was holding onto for 3 and 1/2 years!

However I too, also participated in the exercise and found out that I had been holding onto a grudge for a long time. As I was writing in detail about it, I also found myself describing someone else....ME!

A good friend said to me once, "If you're looking around trying to find the person who needs the most grace and can't find them, it's probably you." I found in this workshop that God put it on my heart not just to bless others, but so that I myself could also be blessed. I needed to let go of a grudge that I too was holding onto very tightly.

It is a process, but I have and will continue to forgive the offenders, and above all forgive myself. I've written about this before, but it's amazing how even though in Christ, God forgives us of all our sins, we can still at times not forgive ourselves. In doing that, we can also ricochet our guilt off of ourselves and start blaming other people. That's what I found myself doing.

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." (1 Timothy 1:15 NIV)

We can in many ways blame others for our sin, but in reality, we are the worst. The one person who I know the most about is myself. I know in detail my past, my gifts, my talents, my weaknesses and many of the times which I have failed.

The beautiful thing is, though, is that God does not look at me and see my sin. God looks at me and sees His Son, Jesus. That's why in Him, I am called a saint.

God, help me in my life to be more of a saint, and less of a sinner. Continue to heal my heart and make it clean and open up my eyes to the sin in it so I can continually lay it down and be more like your Son. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Thanks for reading!

Steve

Image courtesy of necampusnavs.org, and was actually from the 2009 Winter Conference. The 2010 one looked very similar though!

Linkin Park - "What I've Done"

"I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies, so let mercy come and wash away what I've done." -Linkin Park from their song "What I've Done"

A long time ago when I used to listen to Linkin Park, I was a depressed teenager who used the music I listened to in fueling my rage and depression. I went through a season in my Christian walk where I had to get rid of every ounce of that music in order to find wholeness and healing, which included Linkin Park. However recently, now that I have been having a more stable root in Christ, have been able to revisit a lot of their songs with a more Christ-centered perspective that has literally caused me to enter into a spirit of worship. Their single that came out a few years ago called, "What I've Done" off of their album Minutes to Midnight talks a lot about repentance and letting go of past regrets or...dare I say it...SINS!

The music video for this song is very powerful. Joseph Hahn, the man behind the turntables for the band, also directed this video along with most of the other videos that Linkin Park has come out with. He does a great job in directing them and this video is no exception. I loved the series of images that were put into the video. They all flowed so harmoniously, showing in many ways the sins of society, particularly America. What's interesting is how the images flow to really get across some humbling messages. For example in the first chorus they showed images of lepers and hungry people then a sign saying, "EAT" and a boy stuffing his face. What a sobering image of corporate America today. While we are getting fat off fast food, millions are starving in other countries across the world.

Now for the record, Linkin Park does not call themselves a Christian band. From what I heard, almost every member of the band calls themselves some form of "Christian", except Brad Delson, the guitarist who is Jewish and Chester Bennington, who is an agnostic. Does that impact the meaning behind this video in any way? It could...

Now let's talk about the lyrics. What I've noticed about Linkin Park's lyrics is how they are very "general" in what they are talking about in order to appeal to a wider audience. For example, if a Christian like me wants to get a good message out of this, he can go right ahead!

The lyrics really talk about turning away from the old and starting over by embracing the new."'In this farewell, there's no blood, there's no alibi, 'cause I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies."

The speaker in the lyrics feels no regret whatsoever in turning away, but only regret in what they have done. They realized that the life they were living before was filled with "a thousand lies." That is the story of every Christian today. They realized that the life they were living before was completely meaningless. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon, who is a bitter, old, repentant man comes to this conclusion: I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind" (Eccl. 1:14). Everything that this world has to offer by itself is worthless. It's meaningless. The only truth about these things is that they are filled with "a thousand lies" of true satisfaction and meaning. These things won't bring meaning! They will leave you empty.

Then we come to the pre-chorus: "So let mercy come and wash away what I've done." This person wants mercy! Isn't that a beautiful picture? It is just like that picture Jesus painted of that tax collector at the temple beating his chest saying, "God have mercy on me, a sinner!" (Luke 18:13). We want mercy, we crave it. The speaker in this song is similar to that tax collector. They want mercy to come and wash away what they did. What's interesting is that mercy does not just come from within. It comes from someone else: Jesus Christ, the one who made mercy possible in the first place.

In the chorus the speaker talks about facing themselves, manning up to their mistakes and hoping to cross out what they did. What Chester Bennington doesn't realize yet, is that WE can't cross out what we did, but only Jesus can. However we should humble ourselves, lay down our lives and ask God, "What can I do with this? Give me some steps to set me free!" Repentance isn't just feeling bad and apologizing. It's a process of actively turning away.

In the second verse it makes reference to putting to rest what others think of us. Repentance isn't always welcomed with joy by others. Sometimes people don't get it. Sometimes it hurts!A few years ago I realized I was in a morally compromising relationship with another girl and had to let her go. She didn't understand and neither did her friends. I lost not only her, but her friends as well. In repentance, we need to do whatever it takes and burn whatever bridges we can. Even if some short-term results are loneliness and isolation as we attempt to find a new group of friends to hang out with. I've met people who have seen their sin, but refuse to let it go and embrace Jesus for fear of what their friends might think of them.

The speaker then refers to "hands of uncertainty". When we first start repenting from issues that literally were our lives, it doesn't initially make sense. We just know in our hearts that it's wrong and I have to get rid of it. The desire doesn't exactly go away either. We may be going the rest of our lives warring with images in our heads and desires in our hearts to turn back to those sins. We may even have "breaking points" where we want "just a taste" of that "good feeling" the sin brought on. Don't do it! Like it says in Romans 6, put that sin to death, even if it doesn't feel right. IT IS RIGHT!

Finally there is that powerful bridge of the song: "I start again and whatever pain may come, today this ends, I'm forgiving what I've done." When we do put the sin to death with our "hands of uncertainty" by the new power that is in us through Christ, we do "start again". In the music video during those lines, Joseph Hahn intentionally placed in images of a flower blooming, a cell dividing, an ultrasound of a child in a womb and then an infant playfully running. What a beautiful image of a new life!

In our new life in Christ, "whatever pain may come" we vow to always do our best to remember God's commandments and turn away from our own sin. We turn away from whatever feels right. We put that old life to an end TODAY, like it says in the song. Now in some ways, I don't agree with that word in the last line there that says "I'm forgiving what I've done." Obviously it's God who forgives, which is where I don't agree. I do believe, though, that we do need to also forgive ourselves and "stop playing judge". There are times in life when we do forget that God has forgiven us and we don't forgive ourselves for the wrong we have done. We beat ourselves into a pit and almost throw ourselves into Hell.

My friend, you don't play judge. Jesus does. And if you're in Jesus, His verdict for you is "Not Guilty." That's it. Rest in that! Rejoice in that like that infant child running! That "as far as the east is from the west, as far does He take our transgressions from us". (Psalm 103:12) He forgives what we've done. Therefore YOU need to forgive what you've done and rest in God's promise of atonement, salvation and forgiveness.

"I start again and whatever pain may come; today this ends, [He's forgiven] what I've done!" -the last line of that song with a slightly better adaptation to it.

Turn away from that sin in the new life you have in Christ. Forgive what you've done because He's forgiven you!

God bless you,

Steve