To Whom It May Concern...Thank you!

One of the two Stop & Shop Cards I

anonymously received in the mail.

Two weeks ago I got paid!

But it was significantly lower than I thought it would be. Since Christmas ended, finances have been tight for me. Hours at work got cut and more things got taken out of my salary check for The Navigators. Things were tight and I didn't even know how I was going to get groceries for the week.

Once again I found myself nervous and praying. How was I even going to eat? Could I actually make it this time? Bills were also looming over my head, including a monthly pledge that I had to a missionary. The thought of canceling a payment for this month

Then two things happened. One of them was that I visited some friends of mine who are partnering with me in what I'm doing and they gave me a whole lot of food when they heard I was in need. Their mindset was that God has blessed them when things were tight for them, so they in turn wanted to bless me in this season when things were tight for me. So to them...thank you very much!

Now the second one was very shocking: In the mail last week I received an envelope with no return address on it. Inside it were two $20 gift cards to Stop & Shop! I couldn't believe it! I don't know who that person is, though I'm sure I'll find out one day. Thank you very much, whoever you are! You are truly a blessing!

It's interesting how over and over in the Bible we're told not to worry and not to fear, yet when things get tight we always do. The popular passage in Matthew 6, Jesus tells us how God provides for tiny birds daily who don't have food pantries in their nests. He then tells us how God clothes insignificant flowers that die every year. And then He asks us these things: "Are you not more valuable than they? Will He not much more clothe you -- you of little faith?" (6:26, 30).

God does provide! When we give sacrificially, like what my friends did, God provides. When we honor Him, He honors us. Even at times when we don't honor Him, He STILL honors us. It's called grace, which is poured out on us thanks to Jesus.

So thank God for His provision and THANK YOU , Mr. Mystery Person for following Him. This verse is for you:

"Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce, then your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will be bursting with wine" (Proverbs 3:9-10).

Forgiving Myself

This past weekend, The Navigators had our regional Northeast Conference. There were over 200 students and ECSU had a record 30 students come out, including alumni and students from other local universities who have visited the club there. Highlights included good speakers, powerful testimonies, wonderful conversations, and empowering workshops. I had the distinct privilege at the conference to lead a workshop called "Forgiveness: the Necessity and Power of Letting Go". In it, I shared about how just like Christ forgave us of an enormous debt, we should likewise forgive others of their much smaller, yet still pretty significant debts.

The workshop environment was somber, as students were a bit reluctant to speak, but still they were very receptive. At the end, I gave them opportunity to write down in detail the grudges that God had put on their heart to let go, pray over them, and then as a symbol of letting them go, they would tear up the piece of paper and dispose of it. Definitely the loudest and most satisfying noise at the end was the sound of the tearing up of paper!

I received much positive feedback from students, and even heard a testimony of a girl who let go of a grudge she was holding onto for 3 and 1/2 years!

However I too, also participated in the exercise and found out that I had been holding onto a grudge for a long time. As I was writing in detail about it, I also found myself describing someone else....ME!

A good friend said to me once, "If you're looking around trying to find the person who needs the most grace and can't find them, it's probably you." I found in this workshop that God put it on my heart not just to bless others, but so that I myself could also be blessed. I needed to let go of a grudge that I too was holding onto very tightly.

It is a process, but I have and will continue to forgive the offenders, and above all forgive myself. I've written about this before, but it's amazing how even though in Christ, God forgives us of all our sins, we can still at times not forgive ourselves. In doing that, we can also ricochet our guilt off of ourselves and start blaming other people. That's what I found myself doing.

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." (1 Timothy 1:15 NIV)

We can in many ways blame others for our sin, but in reality, we are the worst. The one person who I know the most about is myself. I know in detail my past, my gifts, my talents, my weaknesses and many of the times which I have failed.

The beautiful thing is, though, is that God does not look at me and see my sin. God looks at me and sees His Son, Jesus. That's why in Him, I am called a saint.

God, help me in my life to be more of a saint, and less of a sinner. Continue to heal my heart and make it clean and open up my eyes to the sin in it so I can continually lay it down and be more like your Son. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Thanks for reading!

Steve

Image courtesy of necampusnavs.org, and was actually from the 2009 Winter Conference. The 2010 one looked very similar though!

Comfortable Christianity

This was written last October by me as a personal reflection to God. What does true Christianity really look like? Is it just praying, reading your Bible and getting plugged into a church....or is there more to it than that?

WARNING: The first part of what I am going to share in this post is graphic. If you're easily squeamish, please use caution when reading it.

Jesus Freaks, a collection of stories of Christians persecuted for their faith by D.C. Talk and Voice of the Martyrs is a book I recently found myself getting drawn to. The faith of the Christians described in this book is amazing.

One story described a Christian named John Jue Han Ding, a man in China who was imprisoned for his faith. In hopes of getting him to renounce his faith, the guards had human waste dumped on his head and was forced to eat his food like a dog as food could only pass through his soiled lips. He was then put into a prison cell literally filled with human waste and other common criminals who were told they would only be released if this man would give into their demands. So as a result John had to bear the persecution of these criminals torturing him for days. Eventually the guards gave up and wound up releasing John. (271)

Another story described a man in England in the 1500's named Thomas Hauker who was sentenced to burn at the stake for his faith. A friend approached him and asked one simple favor of Thomas before he died. He basically asked Thomas for a sign if God's grace was actually true: if the pain was tolerable and his mind was at ease as he was burning at the stake if he could lift his hands above his head right before he died. When Thomas was brought to the stake, he didn't move as his skin charred and his fingers were burnt off. People thought he was dead until suddenly his enflamed hands raised and he clapped them, rejoicing in God's grace and goodness. People watching it cheered loudly. (144)

Yet another story described a congregation in Peru in 1991 that lost their pastor, church building and some members lost their houses one night to terrorists. Despite all that, the next night they still met in the middle of a muddy street to worship Jesus.

And now I ask this: Where is our faith?

We get too ashamed to speak up about Jesus to friends, too scared to reach out to strangers, and too attached to our material possessions. A majority of us Christians in America just consume and become gluttons of the culture, isolating ourselves to Christian experiences and only hanging out with Christian friends expecting that the only people who are meant to do outreach to their local community are the pastors of their church, televangelists, and full-time missionaries. Except that Jesus called EVERYONE to go out there get uncomfortable and make disciples. We Christians can get too caught up in denominational and cultural inside jokes, church culture gossip, critique of Christian pastors, critique of Christian albums, purchasing of Christian t-shirts, political agendas, and consuming Christian music that at times we can turn a blind eye to the lost and dying world around us. No wonder when one approaches an average person on the street and asks them what they think of Christians and the church they reply with words like, "arrogant, narrow-minded, hypocrites," etc.

A majority of we Christians in America today can also get so consumed by food, technology, media, celebrity gossip, social networking and the like that we never even give Jesus a half hour a day of alone time with Him, just seeking His face. We'd rather indulge in our stuff, make a false idol out of the money we make and worship it by attempting to make more of it.

We Christians can even get too caught up in studying, apologetics, theology, seminary, historical background and other facts about Jesus and the Bible, but as we are sitting in a classroom getting too caught up in studying commentaries, the temptation is to turn Jesus into a series of facts instead of a loving God who desires to be with us. Could it be possible to forsake God's face for Greek and Hebrew Lexicon studies? As the Bible and its facts are so easily available, we American Christians can fall into the trap of only loving Jesus with our mind and ignore the heart, soul and might parts.

In case you didn't notice, I used the word "we" a lot because I am here too. I am comfortable. I love fellowship with Christians, I love Christian culture, I love studying God's Word and I love church on a Sunday morning, which all are amazing things, but lately I have realized that I have gotten too comfortable with them and have forsaken the God I love and His commandments. I love time alone with Jesus, but only on my terms. I fast, but only if I can cheat every once in awhile. I can study the Bible sometimes and forget to actually pray over what I read in hopes of actually applying what it says to my life. I can read verses like, "Blessed are the poor," and avoid a bum on the street and could care less about starving orphan-slaves in third world countries. I can read verses like, "Make disciples" and can too easily give up on people who God put on my heart to do just that.

This doesn't sound like a guy who is in ministry. Don't people in ministry have it all together? No, actually we don't. Sometimes we can act like we do though, that's for sure.

I don't want to be one of those people who critiques these things and does nothing about it. The temptation of writing blogs like this is that you can write about issues like this, get "Yay's" and "Amen's" from friends and then not do jack squat about it. I want to go out there and do something.

GOD HELP ME DO SOMETHING!

In Jesus' name, Amen.

What are you willing to do to get uncomfortable for Jesus? Fast? Pray? Give stuff away? What does it look like?

Working Just at ECSU

A tough decision made recently was for me to work ONLY at Eastern Connecticut State University (ECSU), not at Manchester Community College (MCC). I came to this decision last month, when I came to a point of feeling overwhelmed by the number of hats I was wearing and the number of new and exciting things I was learning. Jeff Kraines, my campus director and boss, suggested it when I was sharing with him my frustrations and struggles.

I'll start with the hats....Last year I worked at Sports Authority four days a week from 6:00am to 1:00pm, I worked at ECSU once or twice a week, I worked at Manchester Community College, I made funding phone calls and met with partners, I volunteered at my local church, and I helped out at a local youth group.

Sounds like a lot of hats, right? The temptation sometimes in serving Christ is to over-serve. I want to serve Christ and make Him known, but I am only one man! I can only serve in the capacity that I am allowed. As soon as I start feeling overwhelmed and drained, something is wrong. I had to also say goodbye to the youth group I was volunteering at last year for the same reason. Saying, "No", to things is something I'm learning more about. In serving Christ in whatever capacity, I want to give 100%, knowing full well that God will bless it, not just doing it under compulsion because it's my "obliged Christian duty."

At the same time, I am very excited about this decision, because I get to put more focus on my alma mater. ECSU means a lot to me and it is a school I love very much. How I long to see more men and women there who are excited about seeking and serving Jesus!

So for the time being, it's just Eastern. I'm working with some students over there, and others who also go to local community colleges who come to the Christian club on campus. I reach out to non-Christian students, showing them that I'm not some freak just out to complete an agenda, but a friend who desires to get to know them and at the same time show them Jesus Christ. It's harder, it's slower, it's more time consuming, but I pray that it will be worth it. I'm also mentoring some Christian students on campus in both small group and one-on-one relationships. Thanks for your prayers and support!

Serving with you,

Steve

Strength in Hardship

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” -Luke 22:31-32

This verse is sobering for a variety of different reasons. It was said by Jesus to Simon hours before he would deny even knowing Jesus. Take a walk with me through it.

“Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat” - Just like Satan wanted Simon, Satan wants us. He wants to “sift us like wheat”. He wants to wear us down, and not just with temptation and sin. He can also wear us down with busyness and a works-based mentality. A sobering quote that I heard once is, “If the devil can’t kill you, he’ll make you busy.” Satan wants to do anything he can to distract us from God, His plan for us, and to prevent us from sacrificing everything for Jesus.

Things get hard as a Christian, which is not really shared much in the mainstream American Christianity today. People say that God delivered us from harm (which He did), but that harm is of everlasting punishment and damnation. That harm is not always something like physical healing or deliverance from a specific addiction. It can be, but it not always is. Christianity is HARD. There is PAIN in walking with Jesus because there is an internal battle with sin that we war against. There can also be persecution from others. People can lose friendships and even lose ties with family through being Christians.

“but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail.” - What a wonderful thing to meditate on: Jesus prayed for Simon! Do you think that Jesus is praying for us too? I know He’s God, but He prays to His Father and is currently, as I’m typing this, interceding for me and every other Christian on this planet as they struggle through sin to get to Him.

“And when you have turned again” - I find such hope in that phrase! Jesus didn’t say “if”, but “when”! He knew Simon would turn back to Him after this brief time of failure and folly. He knew because He is God and He always knows the future, but He also knew because He is God and absolutely none of His plans can be thwarted! (Job 42:2)

“strengthen your brothers” - Jesus already gave Simon a job, even when He knew Simon was going to fail miserably. That’s like a manager telling an unfaithful employee, “Hey, I know you’re not going to show up for work tomorrow, but when you return the next day, I would like you to lead a training session for your co-workers.” I’m not saying you should skip work tomorrow, but isn’t that cool? Jesus knew what pain Satan was going to put Simon through, knew he was going to come back, and then gave Him a job as Peter, THE ROCK!

Are you going through a season where it is just REALLY HARD to follow Christ? The worship songs all sound the same, the pastor’s sermons sound the same, the Bible devotions sound the same, you space out in your prayer times, and you stumble over sinful thoughts and actions. Remember this promise: If you are in Christ, God will never, ever, under any circumstance let go of you (Rom. 8:38-39).

Driscollisms

My last full semester at ECSU, I took a course on writing poetry, which COMPLETELY changed my perspective on it. I now think poetry is pretty cool. One of my most memorable poems is one called "Driscollisms," which is a tribute to Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle (www.marshillchurch.org). He has probably been one of the most influential people in my life. His views on anxiety, family, Jesus being everything, manliness and marriage have been transformational to me. Is Mark Driscoll Jesus? No, definitely not. However he loves Jesus and Jesus has used his messages and example in a lot of ways in my life.

This poem is a "postmodern cento" (chen-toe), which is a bit of an abstract form of poetry. Basically the poet takes lines from a source like a movie, a book, fortune cookies, or whatever in no particular order and makes a poem out of them. So for this, I took lines from various sermons that Mark Driscoll preached. The students in my class took it pretty well and thought it was pretty hilarious, especially because they usually thought Christians were "very religious, and very serious. And I think that's funny!" (Driscoll). So anyways, here is the poem. Enjoy!

Driscollisms
Various lines from various sermons by Pastor Mark Driscoll

Howdy Mars Hill,
I’m sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee
Just trying to put the “fun” back in fundamentalism
Have a little fun with yourself because you are a joke.
I believe the joy of the Lord is our strength, and it’s cheaper than meds.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Answer: homeless.
You change now, little boy.
You shut up, you put your pants on, you get a job,
you grow up and maybe one day you can love a woman.
Does he do this all the time? Yes, that’s why they have security.

I’m just the big brother giving them a wedgie for Jesus. That’s my job!
Gentlemen, your goal is not to stand before God
and tell him what level you got to on World of Warcraft.
She’s hot! So is Hell! Run forest run!
Go and grill your Garden Burger…or repent and eat some ribs.

I’m gonna get some water because I feel like I’m gonna start yelling again…
Jesus can’t kick anybody in the nuts! That’s a sin!
That’s funny, unless you’re that guy.
Write that down in our handy dandy notebook, we just figured out Blue’s Clues.

Jesus watches you download porn, which is theologically correct and actually true.
DJ Jazzy Jesus: two turntables and a microphone.
He’s a little kid, but He looks like an itty bitty man.
Every kid cries. They can’t talk. They’re like, “There’s something warm in the back! AAAH!!!”
So yes, Jesus did number one and number two…perfectly apparently.

Religious folks didn’t like Jesus because they never got invited to any parties.
What do you do with religious types? Make fun of them. Jesus did! That’s Biblical!
Jesus killed 2,000 pigs…hope he turned them into bacon.
David did it, I can do it. It’s a sandwich.

Post-Jesus? That’s Pre-Hell!
I will go to Hell, and there will be beer, and it will be fun.
He’s faking it? He’s a faker?
Yes, but you have not seen the big red “S” on my chest: SAVED!
You’re a terrible person!
You are worse than you ever feared and you are more loved than you ever dreamed.
I love you, that’s why I yell at you.

Christmas Reflections

Earlier tonight I was able to watch The Nativity Story with some close friends. Though it really wasn't exactly how things went down as they were recorded in scripture, it at least gave people a feel for the basic story as well as a very accurate glimpse into what the culture of those days was like.

One thing that has really been standing out to me this Christmas season is the faith of Mary and Joseph in the nine months building up to Jesus' birth. In Mary's time, living in an extremely conservative and legalistic culture, she risked the possibility of being beaten and stoned to death, losing her husband, and reputation for coming back home from a long trip being pregnant.

In Luke 1, it said that after Mary got visited by Gabriel and became pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit, she sang a beautiful and theologically rich song of praise to God. It highlighted how she trusted in His sovereignty over her present situation. The scriptures never mentioned, however, any feelings of doubt, fear or anxiety Mary felt afterward. Did that mean she never went through them? Come on now, she's human! Of course Mary must have battled with some doubts, especially when she came back and saw Joseph's shocked face at the fact her belly was bigger than when they last saw each other.

Then of course one must think of her parents. I bet they were a little concerned too! In the situation she was in once she got home, Elizabeth, her cousin with whom she could definitely sympathize with and vent to, was nowhere in sight. She was alone with her faith.

Have you been like that before? Maybe you're the only Christian in your family this Christmas. It's tough, right? Maybe your family just cares about opening presents, drinking egg nog, maybe "sparking" that nog a bit, then getting drunk and passing out. The last thing they want to rejoice over is Jesus' birth. Probably the only time they say the words "Jesus Christ" is when they're upset. People around you don't understand you. They may even be judging you and making fun of you behind your back.

I guarantee you, though scripture doesn't record it, Mary was there. Nazareth was a small town and I'm sure word got out that Mary came back from her long trip pregnant.

Or maybe you had a set plan this past year of what you wanted to do with your life, but a monkey wrench got thrown into it. That was Joseph. He had the woman of his dreams, a steady job, and a house. Then all of a sudden his plans got thwarted because Mary came home pregnant AND the Roman government tells him he has to go back to Bethlehem, where he was born, and register for the census. He then had to take his very pregnant new wife who he can't even have sex with across rocky desert terrain with little food and water and a high risk of attack by thieves on the roads. Not exactly the plan he was thinking of, eh?

But they both took that journey together in faith knowing that this was from God and that He would provide for their every need.

I can tell you one thing....I did NOT expect this past year to turn out the way it did.

I had a plan: quit Storrs Drug, join EDGE Corps, fundraise all summer, be fully funded, get housing locally in Willimantic, start a Bible Study with non-Christians on campus at Eastern, help the Bible clubs on both the ECSU and MCC campuses grow, and disciple a few students.

That was NOT what happened at all. I only raised 21% of my full-time salary. It was such a stressful time over the summer raising support, that I never even got around to finding a place locally in Willimantic over the summer. No Bible Study was ever started at Eastern this past semester with non-Christians. I can only count on one hand the amount of deep spiritual conversations I had with them. The Bible clubs on both the MCC and ECSU campuses went through some hard months this semester and there was a decline in the spiritual morale and general population of both clubs. Lastly, since I was only on each campus once a week on average, I only was able to start a steady discipling relationship with one student. The rest of the discipling relationships I had fell apart because those students lost spiritual interest.

On top of that, there have been new and tough convictions placed in my heart concerning discipleship, church, what it means to be truly SOLD OUT for Christ, and much more. They are still things that I'm still trying to understand. However, just like Joseph and Mary, I want to take a deep step of faith this year. I have NO idea what this coming year will look like. I have no idea what even this coming month will look like!

For those of you who supported me this past year, thank you so much once again for your prayers, your advice, words of wisdom and encouragement, financial contributions and of course....MY HOUSING! A wonderful surprise this past year was not only when I was going to move more locally, but where. I did not see myself AT ALL living where I am now, and I am deeply thankful for it.

This Christmas, though circumstances are crazy, I thank God for the blessings He has given me. This past year throughout all the financial hardship, I never went broke, hungry or homeless. I gained new friends and became closer with existing friends. God has been good in more ways than I could have ever dreamed.

This Christmas, take a quiet moment away from family and the busyness. Reflect on God's goodness and grace. Reflect on HIS SON going from limitless God of the universe not bound by space and time to an infant who could only cry and poop, who spent His first night on earth in a feeding trough to start a rescue mission for our souls!

Merry Christmas!

-Steve