My last full semester at ECSU, I took a course on writing poetry, which COMPLETELY changed my perspective on it. I now think poetry is pretty cool. One of my most memorable poems is one called "Driscollisms," which is a tribute to Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle (www.marshillchurch.org). He has probably been one of the most influential people in my life. His views on anxiety, family, Jesus being everything, manliness and marriage have been transformational to me. Is Mark Driscoll Jesus? No, definitely not. However he loves Jesus and Jesus has used his messages and example in a lot of ways in my life.
This poem is a "postmodern cento" (chen-toe), which is a bit of an abstract form of poetry. Basically the poet takes lines from a source like a movie, a book, fortune cookies, or whatever in no particular order and makes a poem out of them. So for this, I took lines from various sermons that Mark Driscoll preached. The students in my class took it pretty well and thought it was pretty hilarious, especially because they usually thought Christians were "very religious, and very serious. And I think that's funny!" (Driscoll). So anyways, here is the poem. Enjoy!
Driscollisms
Various lines from various sermons by Pastor Mark Driscoll
Howdy Mars Hill,
I’m sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee
Just trying to put the “fun” back in fundamentalism
Have a little fun with yourself because you are a joke.
I believe the joy of the Lord is our strength, and it’s cheaper than meds.
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Answer: homeless.
You change now, little boy.
You shut up, you put your pants on, you get a job,
you grow up and maybe one day you can love a woman.
Does he do this all the time? Yes, that’s why they have security.
I’m just the big brother giving them a wedgie for Jesus. That’s my job!
Gentlemen, your goal is not to stand before God
and tell him what level you got to on World of Warcraft.
She’s hot! So is Hell! Run forest run!
Go and grill your Garden Burger…or repent and eat some ribs.
I’m gonna get some water because I feel like I’m gonna start yelling again…
Jesus can’t kick anybody in the nuts! That’s a sin!
That’s funny, unless you’re that guy.
Write that down in our handy dandy notebook, we just figured out Blue’s Clues.
Jesus watches you download porn, which is theologically correct and actually true.
DJ Jazzy Jesus: two turntables and a microphone.
He’s a little kid, but He looks like an itty bitty man.
Every kid cries. They can’t talk. They’re like, “There’s something warm in the back! AAAH!!!”
So yes, Jesus did number one and number two…perfectly apparently.
Religious folks didn’t like Jesus because they never got invited to any parties.
What do you do with religious types? Make fun of them. Jesus did! That’s Biblical!
Jesus killed 2,000 pigs…hope he turned them into bacon.
David did it, I can do it. It’s a sandwich.
Post-Jesus? That’s Pre-Hell!
I will go to Hell, and there will be beer, and it will be fun.
He’s faking it? He’s a faker?
Yes, but you have not seen the big red “S” on my chest: SAVED!
You’re a terrible person!
You are worse than you ever feared and you are more loved than you ever dreamed.
I love you, that’s why I yell at you.
Various lines from various sermons by Pastor Mark Driscoll
Howdy Mars Hill,
I’m sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee
Just trying to put the “fun” back in fundamentalism
Have a little fun with yourself because you are a joke.
I believe the joy of the Lord is our strength, and it’s cheaper than meds.
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Answer: homeless.
You change now, little boy.
You shut up, you put your pants on, you get a job,
you grow up and maybe one day you can love a woman.
Does he do this all the time? Yes, that’s why they have security.
I’m just the big brother giving them a wedgie for Jesus. That’s my job!
Gentlemen, your goal is not to stand before God
and tell him what level you got to on World of Warcraft.
She’s hot! So is Hell! Run forest run!
Go and grill your Garden Burger…or repent and eat some ribs.
I’m gonna get some water because I feel like I’m gonna start yelling again…
Jesus can’t kick anybody in the nuts! That’s a sin!
That’s funny, unless you’re that guy.
Write that down in our handy dandy notebook, we just figured out Blue’s Clues.
Jesus watches you download porn, which is theologically correct and actually true.
DJ Jazzy Jesus: two turntables and a microphone.
He’s a little kid, but He looks like an itty bitty man.
Every kid cries. They can’t talk. They’re like, “There’s something warm in the back! AAAH!!!”
So yes, Jesus did number one and number two…perfectly apparently.
Religious folks didn’t like Jesus because they never got invited to any parties.
What do you do with religious types? Make fun of them. Jesus did! That’s Biblical!
Jesus killed 2,000 pigs…hope he turned them into bacon.
David did it, I can do it. It’s a sandwich.
Post-Jesus? That’s Pre-Hell!
I will go to Hell, and there will be beer, and it will be fun.
He’s faking it? He’s a faker?
Yes, but you have not seen the big red “S” on my chest: SAVED!
You’re a terrible person!
You are worse than you ever feared and you are more loved than you ever dreamed.
I love you, that’s why I yell at you.
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