To Whom It May Concern...Thank you!

One of the two Stop & Shop Cards I

anonymously received in the mail.

Two weeks ago I got paid!

But it was significantly lower than I thought it would be. Since Christmas ended, finances have been tight for me. Hours at work got cut and more things got taken out of my salary check for The Navigators. Things were tight and I didn't even know how I was going to get groceries for the week.

Once again I found myself nervous and praying. How was I even going to eat? Could I actually make it this time? Bills were also looming over my head, including a monthly pledge that I had to a missionary. The thought of canceling a payment for this month

Then two things happened. One of them was that I visited some friends of mine who are partnering with me in what I'm doing and they gave me a whole lot of food when they heard I was in need. Their mindset was that God has blessed them when things were tight for them, so they in turn wanted to bless me in this season when things were tight for me. So to them...thank you very much!

Now the second one was very shocking: In the mail last week I received an envelope with no return address on it. Inside it were two $20 gift cards to Stop & Shop! I couldn't believe it! I don't know who that person is, though I'm sure I'll find out one day. Thank you very much, whoever you are! You are truly a blessing!

It's interesting how over and over in the Bible we're told not to worry and not to fear, yet when things get tight we always do. The popular passage in Matthew 6, Jesus tells us how God provides for tiny birds daily who don't have food pantries in their nests. He then tells us how God clothes insignificant flowers that die every year. And then He asks us these things: "Are you not more valuable than they? Will He not much more clothe you -- you of little faith?" (6:26, 30).

God does provide! When we give sacrificially, like what my friends did, God provides. When we honor Him, He honors us. Even at times when we don't honor Him, He STILL honors us. It's called grace, which is poured out on us thanks to Jesus.

So thank God for His provision and THANK YOU , Mr. Mystery Person for following Him. This verse is for you:

"Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce, then your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will be bursting with wine" (Proverbs 3:9-10).

Forgiving Myself

This past weekend, The Navigators had our regional Northeast Conference. There were over 200 students and ECSU had a record 30 students come out, including alumni and students from other local universities who have visited the club there. Highlights included good speakers, powerful testimonies, wonderful conversations, and empowering workshops. I had the distinct privilege at the conference to lead a workshop called "Forgiveness: the Necessity and Power of Letting Go". In it, I shared about how just like Christ forgave us of an enormous debt, we should likewise forgive others of their much smaller, yet still pretty significant debts.

The workshop environment was somber, as students were a bit reluctant to speak, but still they were very receptive. At the end, I gave them opportunity to write down in detail the grudges that God had put on their heart to let go, pray over them, and then as a symbol of letting them go, they would tear up the piece of paper and dispose of it. Definitely the loudest and most satisfying noise at the end was the sound of the tearing up of paper!

I received much positive feedback from students, and even heard a testimony of a girl who let go of a grudge she was holding onto for 3 and 1/2 years!

However I too, also participated in the exercise and found out that I had been holding onto a grudge for a long time. As I was writing in detail about it, I also found myself describing someone else....ME!

A good friend said to me once, "If you're looking around trying to find the person who needs the most grace and can't find them, it's probably you." I found in this workshop that God put it on my heart not just to bless others, but so that I myself could also be blessed. I needed to let go of a grudge that I too was holding onto very tightly.

It is a process, but I have and will continue to forgive the offenders, and above all forgive myself. I've written about this before, but it's amazing how even though in Christ, God forgives us of all our sins, we can still at times not forgive ourselves. In doing that, we can also ricochet our guilt off of ourselves and start blaming other people. That's what I found myself doing.

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." (1 Timothy 1:15 NIV)

We can in many ways blame others for our sin, but in reality, we are the worst. The one person who I know the most about is myself. I know in detail my past, my gifts, my talents, my weaknesses and many of the times which I have failed.

The beautiful thing is, though, is that God does not look at me and see my sin. God looks at me and sees His Son, Jesus. That's why in Him, I am called a saint.

God, help me in my life to be more of a saint, and less of a sinner. Continue to heal my heart and make it clean and open up my eyes to the sin in it so I can continually lay it down and be more like your Son. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Thanks for reading!

Steve

Image courtesy of necampusnavs.org, and was actually from the 2009 Winter Conference. The 2010 one looked very similar though!

Comfortable Christianity

This was written last October by me as a personal reflection to God. What does true Christianity really look like? Is it just praying, reading your Bible and getting plugged into a church....or is there more to it than that?

WARNING: The first part of what I am going to share in this post is graphic. If you're easily squeamish, please use caution when reading it.

Jesus Freaks, a collection of stories of Christians persecuted for their faith by D.C. Talk and Voice of the Martyrs is a book I recently found myself getting drawn to. The faith of the Christians described in this book is amazing.

One story described a Christian named John Jue Han Ding, a man in China who was imprisoned for his faith. In hopes of getting him to renounce his faith, the guards had human waste dumped on his head and was forced to eat his food like a dog as food could only pass through his soiled lips. He was then put into a prison cell literally filled with human waste and other common criminals who were told they would only be released if this man would give into their demands. So as a result John had to bear the persecution of these criminals torturing him for days. Eventually the guards gave up and wound up releasing John. (271)

Another story described a man in England in the 1500's named Thomas Hauker who was sentenced to burn at the stake for his faith. A friend approached him and asked one simple favor of Thomas before he died. He basically asked Thomas for a sign if God's grace was actually true: if the pain was tolerable and his mind was at ease as he was burning at the stake if he could lift his hands above his head right before he died. When Thomas was brought to the stake, he didn't move as his skin charred and his fingers were burnt off. People thought he was dead until suddenly his enflamed hands raised and he clapped them, rejoicing in God's grace and goodness. People watching it cheered loudly. (144)

Yet another story described a congregation in Peru in 1991 that lost their pastor, church building and some members lost their houses one night to terrorists. Despite all that, the next night they still met in the middle of a muddy street to worship Jesus.

And now I ask this: Where is our faith?

We get too ashamed to speak up about Jesus to friends, too scared to reach out to strangers, and too attached to our material possessions. A majority of us Christians in America just consume and become gluttons of the culture, isolating ourselves to Christian experiences and only hanging out with Christian friends expecting that the only people who are meant to do outreach to their local community are the pastors of their church, televangelists, and full-time missionaries. Except that Jesus called EVERYONE to go out there get uncomfortable and make disciples. We Christians can get too caught up in denominational and cultural inside jokes, church culture gossip, critique of Christian pastors, critique of Christian albums, purchasing of Christian t-shirts, political agendas, and consuming Christian music that at times we can turn a blind eye to the lost and dying world around us. No wonder when one approaches an average person on the street and asks them what they think of Christians and the church they reply with words like, "arrogant, narrow-minded, hypocrites," etc.

A majority of we Christians in America today can also get so consumed by food, technology, media, celebrity gossip, social networking and the like that we never even give Jesus a half hour a day of alone time with Him, just seeking His face. We'd rather indulge in our stuff, make a false idol out of the money we make and worship it by attempting to make more of it.

We Christians can even get too caught up in studying, apologetics, theology, seminary, historical background and other facts about Jesus and the Bible, but as we are sitting in a classroom getting too caught up in studying commentaries, the temptation is to turn Jesus into a series of facts instead of a loving God who desires to be with us. Could it be possible to forsake God's face for Greek and Hebrew Lexicon studies? As the Bible and its facts are so easily available, we American Christians can fall into the trap of only loving Jesus with our mind and ignore the heart, soul and might parts.

In case you didn't notice, I used the word "we" a lot because I am here too. I am comfortable. I love fellowship with Christians, I love Christian culture, I love studying God's Word and I love church on a Sunday morning, which all are amazing things, but lately I have realized that I have gotten too comfortable with them and have forsaken the God I love and His commandments. I love time alone with Jesus, but only on my terms. I fast, but only if I can cheat every once in awhile. I can study the Bible sometimes and forget to actually pray over what I read in hopes of actually applying what it says to my life. I can read verses like, "Blessed are the poor," and avoid a bum on the street and could care less about starving orphan-slaves in third world countries. I can read verses like, "Make disciples" and can too easily give up on people who God put on my heart to do just that.

This doesn't sound like a guy who is in ministry. Don't people in ministry have it all together? No, actually we don't. Sometimes we can act like we do though, that's for sure.

I don't want to be one of those people who critiques these things and does nothing about it. The temptation of writing blogs like this is that you can write about issues like this, get "Yay's" and "Amen's" from friends and then not do jack squat about it. I want to go out there and do something.

GOD HELP ME DO SOMETHING!

In Jesus' name, Amen.

What are you willing to do to get uncomfortable for Jesus? Fast? Pray? Give stuff away? What does it look like?

Working Just at ECSU

A tough decision made recently was for me to work ONLY at Eastern Connecticut State University (ECSU), not at Manchester Community College (MCC). I came to this decision last month, when I came to a point of feeling overwhelmed by the number of hats I was wearing and the number of new and exciting things I was learning. Jeff Kraines, my campus director and boss, suggested it when I was sharing with him my frustrations and struggles.

I'll start with the hats....Last year I worked at Sports Authority four days a week from 6:00am to 1:00pm, I worked at ECSU once or twice a week, I worked at Manchester Community College, I made funding phone calls and met with partners, I volunteered at my local church, and I helped out at a local youth group.

Sounds like a lot of hats, right? The temptation sometimes in serving Christ is to over-serve. I want to serve Christ and make Him known, but I am only one man! I can only serve in the capacity that I am allowed. As soon as I start feeling overwhelmed and drained, something is wrong. I had to also say goodbye to the youth group I was volunteering at last year for the same reason. Saying, "No", to things is something I'm learning more about. In serving Christ in whatever capacity, I want to give 100%, knowing full well that God will bless it, not just doing it under compulsion because it's my "obliged Christian duty."

At the same time, I am very excited about this decision, because I get to put more focus on my alma mater. ECSU means a lot to me and it is a school I love very much. How I long to see more men and women there who are excited about seeking and serving Jesus!

So for the time being, it's just Eastern. I'm working with some students over there, and others who also go to local community colleges who come to the Christian club on campus. I reach out to non-Christian students, showing them that I'm not some freak just out to complete an agenda, but a friend who desires to get to know them and at the same time show them Jesus Christ. It's harder, it's slower, it's more time consuming, but I pray that it will be worth it. I'm also mentoring some Christian students on campus in both small group and one-on-one relationships. Thanks for your prayers and support!

Serving with you,

Steve